Psychotic Joan

Not a secret anymore

My mother looked at me as she sighed "the letter says that you are..." she paused for a few seconds to find some words but this scared me even more "acting strange..." she looked at my father. Her look asked him if she told it right and he just nodded. "W-what do you mean?" the fear could be heard in my voice as I stuttered. My mother opened her mouth to say something but my father interrupted her "that you talk to yourself a lot. Just like you did here for a while after...after Janes death.." he whispered the last part and I froze.

'how did they notice?' I thought to myself and got even more nervous. "I-i..." I started to stutter but my father interrupted me as well "don't try to find any excuses...you talk to Jane, don't you?" I looked at my mother with begging eyes, hoping they would stop the talk but she just looked away. I could see some tears building up in her eyes. I couldn't hold it in anymore "yes! But I really hear her! And she answers me! An-" "enough!" my mother yelled and stood up "enough..." she says again a bit quieter.

My father stood up as well and hugged her. "Go to your room Joan. We'll talk later" my father said in a calm but serious voice. I nodded and got up. I didn't even noticed that I started to cry at this point but I just let the tears roll down my rosy cheeks as I walked up to my room. I layed on my bed and cried into my pillow. I don't know how much time had passed but my attention got caught by the door which was slowly opening.

My father peeked inside and whispers "Are you awake?"  I sat up and nodded, my tears not completely dry yet "y-yes..." he walked inside slowly and sat next to me on my bed. We sat there for a while. Not moving, not talking as he suddenly hugged me. This broke something in me. I hugged back tight and started to cry heavily into his chest. He rubbed my back and rocked me gently "shhh...it's okay Joan...daddy is here..." he tried to calm me down.

I just nodded but stayed quiet. All he could hear from me were my sobs. After a while he pulled away from the hug, looking at me while wiping my tears away "so you really hear her?" he asked with a calm but friendly voice. I nodded again "y-yes..." my father hugged me again as he noticed that my voice cracked.

"How often?" he started to rock me again. "Every day..." I mumbled and he sighed "Mommy and I made a meeting for you. There you have to talk to a very nice woman and she will ask you things about Jane, okay?" his voice was a bit shaky but he tried to hide it. "What woman?" I asked and looked up at him. "She helps people. But she is very nice" he gave me a warm smile. I nodded again but didn't said anything anymore. This evening my father slept in my bed with me because I never really stopped crying and when I did, I stared short after again.

The next day was a Friday but I didn't had to go to school because we visited that woman my father told me about. We were there at 10 am already and I was really tired but also nervous. I looked up at my father and he gave me a warm smile as he kneeled down to me "don't be scared my little angel. Mommy and daddy are in the room next to you while you talk to Miss Monora, alright?" I nodded and hugged my father one last time before I went into a big room.

My father closed the door from the outside and I walked over to a pretty woman. She had dark red, long hair and hazel brown eyes. "Hello. You must be little Joan, right?" her voice was soft and nice. I nodded and smiled a bit "my name is Alice Manora but you can call me Alice. Please take a seat" she pointed to a chair. I sat down and looked at her.

"Do you know why you are here?" she looked at me with a soft smile. I nodded "you want to talk about Janie"  she nodded "Exacly. So she died three years ago?" she asks carefully. I looked down and nodded again "y-yes..." she started to write something down and that caught my attention. I looked up at her again.

"But you still talk to her, right?" she asks and looked at me again. Her smile didn't disappeared by now. "Yes. We often play together but everyone says that this is wrong" I started to explain with a sad voice. She started to write again "since when do you two talk?" she asks while writing. This was the first time someone actually used the words 'you two' and that made me a bit more happy. It even made me smile a bit. "Since she is dead"

She nods, not writing this time "you know that people can't talk to dead people, right?" I looked at her a bit confused. "But I can talk to Jane and I really hear her! I don't lie!" I started to protest. "I know, I know. Joan, please stay calm" she moved her hands up and down as a gesture to calm down. I looked down and stayed quiet.

She sighs but then started to smile again "did you ever hear about schizophrenia?"  I looked up at her a bit confused and shock my head. "N-no. What is that?" she takes a deep breath and looks at me "that is a disease. It causes many thing and one of them is to hear voices that...aren't actually there" she tried to explain as simple as possible.

My face slowly gets to an angry expression and I stood up "She is really there! I don't just hear her! I know it! I know it!" I yelled at her. She stood up as well, her smile now gone "Joan calm down. I just try to figure out what's wrong" something in me broke as she said that. 'Nothing is wrong with me!' I thought to myself. "Nothing is wrong! You just don't believe me!" I yelled as tears build up in my eyes. "I do believe you Joan. It just isn't Normal" she still talked in that calm voice which made me even more angry. "It is normal! I am normal!" I started to cry more. The door suddenly slammed open and I turned around to see the cause. It was my father.