Playlist

15. "Dream" - Bishop Briggs

  "What? And then what happened?" Lune leans forward, her silver-blue eyes wide, her mug in her hands.

"She fucking punched me in the face! It didn't really register at the time, though. So I put my ring on my ring finger and showed it to her, saying something like, 'I don't have to steal his money for his attention. Or cheat on him. So leave before I call the cops or beat your ass.' And she just stood there like, 'Ah-Ah uh,'" I reply, imitating Mila's reaction. We are at Starbucks, tucked in the corner. I wasn't able to see her at Elera's dance competition, but I'm telling her about what happened that night.

"No shit. What did Luke do?"

"He took my hand and led me to his truck, and he just apologized. I laughed - I couldn't help it - and told him that Mila hits harder than Aaron. But here's where I'm confused." I take a sip of my coffee, the warmth radiating in my body. "And don't laugh at me, because it's stupid."

"It probably isn't, but go ahead. I'm ready." There's a smile hinting her lips, a twinkle of excitement in her eyes.

"He said, 'I'm sorry about holding your hand. And about her hitting you. Are you okay?' And of course I'm fine, but I just reach up and hold his hand, right? And I tell him I hold everyone's hand, what's the difference? And when we get to a stoplight, he just looks at me. And it's like we both knew it was different than holding someone else's hand, but we didn't say anything."

"Wait, when did he first hold your hand?" Lune sits up, her eyes intent on mine, her hands flat on the table as she leans forward.

"At the competition. He was gripping the arm rests, anxious for Elera, and I just-" I reenact what I did to Luke's hand. "Just as a reassurance type thing, right? But when I went to pull away, he grabbed mine to stay. So it did until the intermission."

"Dakota!" Her voice peaks for a moment, and she forces herself to contain her excitement. She lowers her voice as she adds, "Knowing Luke, that's big!"

"See, that's what I'm confused about. Because I'm obviously attracted to him, and he's such a caring guy with a beautiful soul. Like, everything about him is beautiful... but he's been distant since that night. Like, okay. After the incident with Mila, we went to IHOP to eat, and he was playful in the flirty way. And it was cute because I could tell he was nervous. And he could not stop apologizing about Mila. I was like, 'I literally had to call the cops on my ex at your best friend's house. Who followed me there from Georgia.' And he paid. Like, insisted on paying. And we sat in his truck for a while afterwards and smoked and talked for hours. It was midnight before we realized what time it was. And then he drove me back to the theatre to get my car, and he followed me back to Tillamook from Portland until I had to turn off to go home. I don't know what to do, Lune. Ever since the competition, it's like he got too close or something and now has to backpedal. And given his past, I can understand not wanting to get close or having trust issues... but I don't know."

I can see her processing my words in her head. She takes a drink of her latte, and I can practically see the steam coming from her ears. "I've known Luke for a really long time. As long as I've known Adrian, really, and I've known him since I was young. Like, 12 young. Don't worry, we didn't start dating until I was of age, but we liked each other for a while. Anyways, Luke has been through more than I can imagine going through. I'm super close with my mom, and I could never imagine losing her this young. But I do know he has a heart full of love, and I know he wants someone to give that love to. He might be scared of being interested in you because he may think you're just here visiting. He might be scared of a fling, you know?"

I don't say anything for a while. I want a cigarette. I bite my lip, thinking about what Lucy asked me this morning. "Lucy actually asked me if I'd want to stay. She said she enjoyed the company, the help. She said I helped her feel young again, that I was her medicine. And though I miss my family in Georgia... I love it here. The air is different. The energy is different. I've met amazing people here. I've been writing more, and my day-to-day mental health has improved tremendously. I've had some moments, but... I don't know." I shrug, glancing at the people coming in. A small part of me hoped it would be Luke, but it's just a couple of high school girls. I take a deep breath, look at my hands in my lap, and then up at Lune.