Playlist

17. "Blood" - The Middle East

Sometimes in life, you don't get the closure that you wish you had. This, for me, is one of those moments. I've packed two weeks worth of clothes and toiletries in my suitcase, and enough of Marlow's things for her to come with me. My car is running, warming up for the drive ahead of me. We went out to the club on Friday night. Saturday morning, I texted Luke to let him know I was going out of town for a few weeks. I also informed Will I'd be on my way to West Yellowstone to see him. By Saturday afternoon, Luke responded with, "OK," and Will responded with, "I'll see you soon, then! Let me know when you are on the way and if you stop." By Saturday evening, I had received texts from Lune, asking if I was going to come back, if my leaving was because of Luke and Tamara, if I was upset with her. I called her and told her three things: 1. Yes, I was coming back; 2. I wasn't upset with her; 3. I'd see her soon enough.

I didn't have the heart to tell her that Luke was a part of my leaving.

By Sunday morning, I was mostly packed and loaded up. Lucy didn't want to see me leave, but I told her I'd be back. I'm leaving half my stuff here, anyways. I cleaned my room, and by Sunday afternoon, Elera called me on Luke's phone. I could tell she was trying hard not to cry, but I assured her I was just taking some time for myself and that I'd be back. I didn't sleep well last night. I don't know why, but I didn't.

It's Monday, August 7, 5:30 A.M. I fill my mug up with coffee, and I allow one cigarette with Aunt Lucy. It's what we do. I load Marlow up, start the route on my GPS, and start down the long driveway. If I wasn't paying attention, I would've wrecked into Luke's truck coming up the driveway. What the fuck? Marlow starts barking as I get out of the car, and Luke hops out of his truck. "What the hell are you doing?"

He looks like he just threw a jacket on and the closest shoes to him before coming out here. "Why are you leaving?"

"To go see my brother...? What does it matter?" It's not a complete lie.

"I don't believe you."

"You've barely spoken to me, so why the hell do you care now?"

"Dakota-"

"No, Luke. I don't need to explain myself to you." My heart is in my throat, my stomach at my knees. I can feel my heart beating in my ears. "The only thing you're privy to is what any other employer would need to know."

"Employer? You're fucking joking, right?" His cheeks are red, and I can't tell if it's from the cold or his blood pressure.

"Well obviously it's nothing more and nothing less, right?" My voice shakes as it rises. Don't cry, Dakota. Don't fucking cry. He doesn't say anything; rather, I don't give him the opportunity to do so. "Because if it was more, you wouldn't have fucked Tamara, or fucked around with her, or even danced with her. And if it was less, you wouldn't have invited me to your best friend's house-warming party when you barely knew me, or talked me out of a panic attack while I'm ready to just... throw myself off, or invited me to your sister's dance competition, or fucking kissed me at your best friend's girlfriend's birthday party!" Tears well in my eyes, and I work hard to keep them in. He's standing there with solemn eyes, his hands at his sides, and nothing to say. I take a deep breath and lower my voice. "So I'm going to go see my brother in Montana. And you're going to stay here, and take care of your sister, and take care of the shop, just like you always have. And when I get back - if I come back - maybe, just maybe, you'll have... whatever it is you need to figure out, figured out. But until then, I, quite frankly, don't want to hear from you. I don't want to see you. If some... emergency happens, that's different. But I'm not here to be fucking yanked around. I'm not here to be played. If I wanted that, I wouldn't have left Aaron."