Emotion: Null

my grandma died

so you guys know how i've been watching my grandma, well i'm home now. she usually woke up before me, but the day i left i thought that she was just sleeping in. After an hour of me being awake i went to wake her up. but she wouldn't wake up. i called the police and then my parents. they took me home because i was having a lot of panic attacks, i blame myself for her death. i should've known something was wrong. i should've checked on her immediately maybe they could've saved her if i did. fuck even typing this out is making me sob. my grandma has dementia and she thought i was just a live in nurse. she didn't even recognize her own grandson. my other cousins were always her favorites so when they visited one of the days i was there she knew all of their names. i still love her even if she never really loved me. i'm so sorry everyone. i'll try to have one up in a couple of weeks. i just i can't stop thinking about how it's my fault. i have insomnia so i usually don't sleep, or if i do it's for like a couple hours. but i have nightmares about it now so i've only slept like 30 minutes in two days. she actually died the day after i posted that chapter. but i thought you guys deserved to know why i won't be posting for a bit. i really hope you understand. sorry just writing this is making me cry i'm so sorry guys i'm such a failure at writing. honestly can you guys tell me what i could improve on.