Nightmare

DEAR BECA,

I'm so sorry I failed you.
I'm sorry that you're gone because of me.
I never wanted for you to be gone.
I never wanted for you to get hurt.
I never wanted you dead.
I love you with every fiber of my being and losing you was the worst thing I have ever experienced in my entire life.
I know you would want me to move on.
I know you would want me to be happy again, but that's just not possible without you in my life.
It's just not possible to forget you.
To forget the way you looked at me on our wedding day.
The way you looked at me when we did something as simple as make pancakes or watch tv.
The way you would sing to me when I was sad or kiss my cuts, bruises, and scars.
You cannot kiss the biggest scar I've got.
The scar I caused for myself the moment I let you slip out of my hand.
I should have been the one to fall.
I should've been the one to slip out of your grasp.
You should still be here pursuing your passion.
You should be the one who survived.
And I'm so so sorry.
I miss you like hell.
But I'm coming.
I'm coming Beca.
I can't stand it any longer and I'm coming for you.
I need you back.
I need us together.
I need You and I️ together.
No one else.
Just You and I️.
I'm coming, my love.

I'm coming.