Search & Seizure (Brendon Urie Fanfiction)

Morning After

You wake up the next morning sore as hell. The way your muscles tense up during your seizures always does that. You roll over and see Brendon playing around on his phone.

"Hey baby," he greets you, putting his phone down and pushing your crazy morning hair from your face.

"Hi," you reply with a small smile.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I'm okay. Sore," you reply honestly.

"Do you want to have something to eat?" He asked and you nod. "The boys got you IHOP."

Your face sinks as he mentioned the boys. Brendon knows exactly what you're thinking.

"You don't have to talk about it right now if you don't want," he offers, "I can let them know you're not quite ready yet."

"No, no, it's okay." You've had the 'epilepsy infomercial' conversation plenty of times back when your epilepsy was bad. You've gotten every question people could possibly ask so at this point, nothing really phased you.

You roll out of bed and wash your face, which was essentially caked in dried tears and snot. Cute. You came out and Brendon had heated up your breakfast. The boys were scattered about the bus. They all looked at you and smiled and said good morning. Brendon had obviously told them to play it cool. You are grateful.

"Hey y/n," Zack says, "how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay, thanks," you reply. Brendon slides next to you in the booth and places a hand on your thigh.

"We brought you back eggs and a cheesecake waffle," Dallon said as you cracked open the styrofoam lid.

They knew those were your absolute favorite. You suddenly felt a little emotional.

"Thank you," you said, and paused. "Thank you for everything guys," you added sincerely, looking at each of them.

"Of course," Kenny said.

"I'm sorry about last night," you say, "I should have told you guys."

"No, no," Dallon shook his head, "you have nothing to apologize for."

"Yeah, Y/n," Dan added "It's okay."

"We're just glad you're alright," Kenny said and they all nodded in agreement.

"We weren't sure what to do. Is there something we should do if it happens again?" Zack asked, ever focused on your safety.

"Um yeah, I'll explain it to you guys," you gestured for them to come over. They all sat around the table.

You give them the low down.

You explain how there are different types of seizures, not just the dramatic kind you see on tv. You point out that your "zoning out" episode from yesterday morning was actually a small seizure. You tell them about what medications you are on and how much. Zack literally takes notes.

You let them know that you have a particular feeling before you have a seizure that's kind of hard to explain, but it feels sort of like a gagging sensation while one of your arms gets numb. It's a good thing though, because it gives you time to lie down and get help. Some people with epilepsy has this kind of warning, others don't. You get disoriented and uncoordinated at that point and will probably say weird and embarrassing things, sort of like being drunk.

You tell them about what is typical of your seizures: not breathing, biting your tongue or lip to the point where you bleed from your mouth, and being really scared and agitated when you are waking up. Plus, throwing up, peeing yourself and all those fun, involuntary bodily functions that embarrass you to no end are also normal.

You then tell them what isn't normal: lasting longer than five minutes, if you fall and injure yourself, or having two seizures without coming to in between. Those are when you need to call 911. Aside from those complications, they really don't need to call.

"So we don't need to call 911 if none of that happens?" Zack asks.

"Yeah, if nothing is out of the ordinary, then you really don't need them," you reply.

Then you explain to them what they should do. Don't put anything in your mouth, try to keep you on your side, but under no circumstances should they hold you down. They can pad your head, just like Brendon did last night or with a sweatshirt or whatever. Make sure you don't hit anything around you, like how Dan moved the chair away from you.

"Other than that, you can time it because it's good to know how long it is," you say. "The first aid is all very hands off. You kind of have to let it run its course. The waking up part is the hardest thing to help with, I think."

"How so?" Dallon asks.

"I'm just so confused that it's difficult to get me to calm down. I really can't hear anything," You say, thinking about it for a moment. You continue on, "I also have a fight or flight reaction kind of thing, so I will try to get away or take a swing at you. I'm just really scared and it's hard to help me through it. I don't really remember what happens during that time, but I can remember how I felt, if that makes sense. Like, I can remember feeling scared and panicked, but I don't remember what actually happened. "

Everyone was listening intently, truly wanting to understand everything as best as they could. They cared about you so much. You are so lucky to have them.

"I guess the best thing is to just give me space and keep talking to me until I respond to you. Once I know who is around, then I'll probably want to be touched and stuff. It makes me feel safer. More... grounded."

They were all nodding.

"Being on tour and depriving myself of sleep is definitely a trigger for me, so I need to be more careful. But, I don't want you to helicopter parent me right now. When I am actually having a seizure, I do need you to talk to me on a child-like level, but aside from that, I'm still the same person I was before last night," you say. "I will be more forthcoming if I'm not feeling well, so you guys don't have to constantly be checking in on me like I'm a little kid. I don't want to be treated like I'm sick or weak. It really hurts my feelings."

"Of course, Y/n," Dallon responds.

"And you'll tell us? if you're having one of those feelings?" Zack confirms.

"Yes," You reply confidently.

The boys all reiterate how much they love and support you. They tell you that you are so strong. You think to yourself how it doesn't feel that way at all, but you suppose there may be some truth to it.