Within your heart

Chapter 1:The beginning to my end

I had never felt more different than I did right now.
Right at this moment, as I sat in the doctors office staring blankly at the nurse.

I know it wasn't her fault that I was here, but it seemed as though every time I came here I left without an answer and a million more questions.

Nobody seemed to know what was wrong with me.

Nobody could quite put their finger on it.

I was tired from the visits and I just needed answers.

I sighed rubbing my eyes from the bright lights in the doctors office, it was three in the morning.
I had woken up coughing up blood again.

Which was bizzare.

It was bizzare because they put me on antibiotics to stop the bleeding...

I sighed again, louder this time.

The nurse turned and smiled at me sympathetically.

" It will be okay Ruby, truly. The doctor Is running your samples right now. I'm sure it's just a severe case of bronchitis! which would explain the blood when you cough, please just relax. I know it's late but we hopefully will have your answers soon" when the nurse spoke she had such a soothing voice that I wanted to believe her.

I wanted to believe that it was not an issue and was easily treatable. I wanted to believe it.
Honestly I did.
But my gut was telling me otherwise.

The minutes went by in silence.

The nurse is rummaging through the drawers in the office pulling out some things for other patients and I closed my eyes and began humming. My eyes were growing irritated from the lights.

I was pulled from my chain of thoughts as I heard my mother's loud voice coming closer to the door.

The doctor was trying desperately to calm her down but she was having none of it.

"Don't tell me to calm down Dr.Michael! I am a mother of a very sick girl who I have trusted in your Care to fix. And yet weeks later here we are at the same place as where we started! What have I been spending money on? Tick tacks instead of pills!?" -" Mrs. Jones please if you would just- "...

I sighed tuning out of their conversation it went the same way every time I came. My mother always seemed to lose her cool.

I watched as the door handle slowly turned to open, then Dr. Michael entered followed by my red faced mother, Fury was written all over her face.

Dr.Michael asked us to sit and I began to worry, he had never done this before...

My mother sat down hesitantly taking a gulp the anger was slowly starting to fade, it was replaced by nerves.

"I have your results Ruby. However before I give you them I just want you to know we have one of the best treatment centres in the country in this hospital, and a program we can get you started on straight away..." Dr.Michaels trailer on and on for what seemed like forever.

He never gave me any answers as to what I had, he instead handed me the envelope he had tucked under his arm as the room fell silent.

He was anxious and wouldn't meet my eyes, how odd. But nonetheless...

I opened the envelope and my eyes fell on to the words, I had to blink a few times to take sure this was real. I scrunched my eyes and pinched myself.

No way.
Ruby Helena Jones..... Stage 4 blood cancer.

I assume the doctor noticed my eyes flickering as I read those words again and again said " Like I said Ruby we need to get you on the treatment as soon as possible to increase your chances of survival-" "what is he talking about?.. What is he talking about?!!! Ruby give me the damn paper now!.." my mother became hysterical.

I just zoned out.

Everything seemed to slow itself down. The doctor and my mum began arguing but I couldn't decipher a word either was saying.

I focused on my heartbeat, I focused on each and every beat.

I closed my eyes for a moment to savour the sound. Knowing that I would not have that luxury for as long as I had always thought.

When I opened my eyes my mother was standing up yelling incoherent words.

She then turned to me and grabbed my file from my hand.

She scanned the file,
When her eyes landed on the words she dropped my file to the ground, her hand flew to her mouth and she ran out of the office crying hysterically for her dying daughter.

I couldn't even blame her.

The doctor and I were left in an uncomfortable silence. I knew that I had to ask the hard questions now that my mother is out of the room. She could not bear the thought of her only daughter being sent off to the big man in the sky just yet.

"Am I going to die?" I uttered barely above a whisper. My throat feeling like sandpaper.

The doctor looked around the room double checking my mother wasn't in sight before nodding "yes Ruby, the truth is you are most likely going to die".

"How long do I have?" I croaked out as my body began numbing from the shock.

The nurse who was silently in the corner noticed my state and went to get me some water.

"Six months."