Into The Heart Of Kashmir: Heaven

Hell No...!!!

For the next few days, my room turned into my house, I didn’t for once step out of my room. It had been two days since I have been in my room, Mamu came to talk to me many times but I just didn’t respond and it was pretty clear to him that I wasn’t in a mood to talk. Every possible negative thought came in my mind, I knew what it was like to be stuck up in a dark world where only your negative thoughts keep you busy. You feel trapped, you can’t come out of it even if you want to. I had sleepless nights and from now I couldn’t sleep at night. Last night I couldn’t find my father in the house. I tried calling out to him, I called his name but no one responded. I went to my parent’s room, knocked at the door, but no reply came. Slowly I turned the knob and peeked inside bit no one was there. I looked for my mom but even she wasn’t there. I went downstairs in my brother’s room, I could hear sound of the television at the door itself, I knocked but he said nothing. Thinking he might not have heard the knocking, I entered the room, “Rouhan, where are you, why weren’t you responding?..” But there was no one inside. I came out of his room, suddenly there was no more sound coming from his room, it was as if someone had turned off the T.V.  The house suddenly felt silent, completely silent, and it was spooky, I went to the dining room, hoping to find someone there, on finding no one I went through the hallway to garden at the back of hour house. The hallway was all dark and I couldn’t find the switch for light. I went through the hallway and as I was approaching the end, I saw faint yellow light glowing in the garden. Probably they had turned on the lights there and everyone was there. The voices that I heard as I was approaching were more like crying. I was sure few women were crying. I arrived in the garden and stood still on seeing what had happened. My father was lying there. Lying Dead. There was my mother sitting beside him, her hands placed over his clenched fists. He looked pale, cold. I was still,it was as if something in me had broken beyond repair. I was flabbergasted. I wanted to scream but I couldn’t. I wanted to cry but no voice came out. I started to perspire and felt uneasy, really uneasy, I couldn’t move, I wanted to run away, far away from this place, but my feet wouldn’t move, they were fixed to that spot. I woke up sweating profusely . I called out for my mother but my voice couldn’t come out, I tried kicking but my legs wouldn’t move, only my eyes were open and I kept staring at the ceiling unable to come out of the state I was in. Everything suddenly stopped and I felt my body relaxing. The anxiety became less intense, I tried moving my finger and I could, I slowly got up, not intending to get a jerk by getting up suddenly and poured myself a glass of water. I grabbed my pink shawl and went to balcony, I felt better outside, it was two in the morning, I took a stroll and realized what I went through today, the sleep paralysis I experienced is not good for me. It made my psychological problem worse, I decided I would visit a counselor tomorrow

Hello lovely readers, hope you all are doing good, I just wanted to remind you of the value of your life. Know that you are one of a kind and treat yourself with utmost love and respect. Learning to love yourself is really important, that's when the world realizes your value. Love yourself and if there is any issue you are coping with alone in life, seek help, there's nothing wrong in that. Love yourself and stay happy always. 😊😊