Nine months

August

Was it love?

It was all such a blur. One minute you're dancing with your friends at a party, completely magic-free for the first time in ages, reliving your Muggle roots in a completely liberating way. Then the pounding of the repetitive music starts doing things to your head and the murky atmosphere starts getting punctured with dazzling strobe lights, throwing you off-balance. I remembered why I hated parties- being the resident nerd of both my Muggle and magical friendship groups, you could say I wasn't a  party animal and I realised a little too late that I hated this sort of thing. 

The room was filled with complete strangers who were all older, taller and more confident than I was. The fact that you can only see things in flashes from the stage lights is kind of daunting- I wished I had my phone on me to call my mum. 

No. I'm tired of being the annoying side character all the time- I just want to forget everything else and just have fun. I dressed up especially too, in borrowed heels I struggled to walk in and rings I was terrified would fall off my fingers, with a healthy dose of Sleekeasy's on my hair to make it look a little more presentable. There's a cute boy- he's not Ron, but he'll do for tonight. It's nice to get a little attention for something other than my brain for once.

He says he loves me. In a way that leads to tongues in mouths and hands on waists. I'm a stranger to such activities, but I don't think he can notice.

No one has ever said that to me before. I mean, come on, I'm that friendly but arrogant nerd in the corner, who gets on everyone's nerves. The closest thing I'd ever had to a relationship was my close friendship with Harry, and he's gay.

But this random man, out of nowhere says he loves me.

What do I do? I have no experience with love other than a few silly teenage crushes, what do I know about love?

He says he loves me, so I say I love him too. My head feels foggy. Is this what love does to you? I asked to go to the garden, and the cool, crisp air calms me, but suddenly everything happens at once. I'm too sluggish to panic, his hands are too strong to pull away, one over my mouth so that he can't hear me scream. I can't ask him to stop, my word slur, and my actions are clumsy. Even so, I don't want him to do this. The only things I can feel is the ground below me, comforting somewhat, while my insides feel stretched and torn, my stomach on fire. This isn't love, I don't feel loved, I feel used, vulnerable, stupid and terrified.

Where are my friends? Inside dancing, laughing, drinking, without me.

Drinking.

Am I drunk? I've had a can of cider and a few shots of sours, but I wouldn't consider myself drunk. Whatever's happened, I feel like curling up in a ball and dying, and eventually, I faze back into reality, my clothes pulled up and dirtied, almost like I can still feel the hands of the bastard on me. After a few seconds, I roll onto my stomach and cover myself back up, flushing, the world continuing to spin. I feel disgusting.

What have I done? I thought I liked Ron, why did I lead this random guy on, when it was clear what he wanted? Stupid, stupid Hermione.

Whatever someone spiked my drink with has worn off. Everything is suddenly so sharp- too sharp, it's painful. Now that my mouth is free, I scream, until someone finds me, sobbing in the dirt. It's one of my friends, Mollie, a glass of wine idly slopping around as she staggers towards me in the dark.

"Hermione? Babes, are you ok, what happened? Did you trip?"

I struggle until I'm sat up, every movement causing pain. I don't know Mollie that well, she was a friend of a friend, and since I only saw my actual circle about once a year, we weren't all that close to begin with. But hers was the only friendly face I could see right now, and I needed her support.