Starting Over

Chapter 2

I couldn't tell what Wes was thinking. He didn't look mad but he looked upset.

"I ... um... I have a lot to tell you" I sat down on the couch on the opposite side of the room.

He was just staring at me waiting for me to speak.

" Before I moved here. I lived in Alabama. I was so mean. The most hateful, nasty person you would ever meet. But I didn't have the best upbringing. My mom is the worst person alive. My dad...well let's just say I grew up thinking he was one man. Then another man. None of them wanted me. Rush he was my everything growing up. He helped me through school, and made sure I still felt love. He was my world. Until about 5 years ago he started dating Blair. He chose her over me and I just couldn't handle it. I was on dad number two. Found out he didn't want me either. I just felt really alone and God I'm going to cry." I closed my eyes and breathed. I knew I had to finish this. "I just hated everyone and everything. I was awful to Rush and Blair. Awful. Then one day I just wanted it all to end. I tried to commit suicide. Rush found me and sent me to a mental health clinic. I was old enough to check myself out and left early. I lived in California with dad number two for a bit. Then when Cali was hell, I moved back to Alabama. It kinda all hit me at once one day and I had a panic attack while driving. I decided that I needed to get out. This whole waiting for someone to care for me so I could care for myself was getting to be to much. I moved here. I went to a mental health facility here and I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I guess I finally found an answer. I finally understood why I just felt like it was just me against the world. Then I met you. My life. Changed for the better. I finally had someone to live for. I'm sorry I lied. But I could not lose you. "

I just stared at him. Waiting for him to speak. Waiting for him to touch me. I waited. And waited. He didn't move. In that moment I could feel my heart being ripped out my chest. I stood up and then sat right back down.

Then he sat beside me and grabbed my hand. I think I smiled. I looked at him and waited again for him to talk.

"I understand why you didn't tell me at first but we've talked about getting married Nan. I told you to expect me to purpose to you in the next year. I haven't let a day go by where I haven't told you I loved you -"

"That's why I didn't tell you" I interrupted him " I didn't want to lose you. I just can't imagine life without you now. I got so lucky. I don't even know how because if it was up to Karma, I would NOT be here. I'm sorry." I could feel the first tear fall from my face. I held his hand and pulled it into my lap. "I'll tell you anything you want to know. Every ugly detail. If you want to leave, I won't blame you."

Wes moved my hair behind my ear and pulled me into a hug. I could feel more tears falling down my face. He kissed my forehead then whispered in my ear "I'm not leaving you Nan. Ever. You don't have to worry about me."

I was sitting on my bed by myself and stared at my phone. I need to call Rush. Wes left early this morning to go to baseball practice. I would type out Wes's number then delete it. It was a series of back and forth. I didn't know what I was gonna say or anything. Maybe I could get away with just texting him.

I just texted it him "Hi" and 5 seconds later he was calling me.

Fuck. Oh my FUCK.

Okay Nan. It's okay.

"Hello" I whispered.

"Nan. Do you have classes today?" Rush asked. He was always on top of it.

"Um...I do but I want to um handle this first" I mumbled. I started playing with my hair nervously.

"Is everything ok with you and - "

"So Rush" I mumbled, trying to avoid answering his question " I can meet you in 10 minutes. Where are you staying?"