Reviving December

That Don't Sound Like You

December

It was possibly the best and worst moment of my life, seeing Cade once again. I knew it was a possibility, I'd already run into Mrs. Rains since being in town and that was nearly like having my heart ripped out of my chest. He was staring at me, but I didn't care, all that mattered was what I knew he could see; the emptiness that filled my soul. Sweat trickled down my neck as I stared unwarranted and unashamedly back. My gut was twisting itself into knots, the damn thing was practically doing yoga.

His body was facing me now as he shifted away from his precious conversation, our eyes connecting for a brief second as he turned causing my heart to lurch in my chest. He was there staring at me now, and with a bated breath I waited for something to happen. The Cade I used to know would march over and demand answers, the Cade I loved so long ago would have refused to allow me to hide; and I hoped deep down he was still there. However, the part of me that was content to wallow in my own self pity, an immeasurable amount of me, prayed the man that I had loved was changed enough to walk away. To allow me to lie and lick my wounds. Hope and terror mingled dangerously in my chest, warring for the right to rule. What if he could help me? Cade was one of the only people who had ever been able to make me see reason. I knew that if he chose to come back into my life that he would be dragged down by my demons. I wasn't the December he knew before. My soul had disappeared in my depression, my darkness overtaking the light. I knew I was a shell, I saw the truth ringing in the eyes of my sisters and parents when they looked at me. Would I steal Cade's light too? I couldn't imagine a life without seeing the genuine happiness that had always radiated from him, a life where I was the cause of his disparity and anguish. And that would happen if he tried to fix me. In seconds the fragile hope was overtaken by the gripping fear that seized my soul. Dizzy with a rush of fear unlike anything I could imagine I did the only thing I knew to do. I ran.

Cade

I watched helplessly as she made a mad dash out of her corner toward the pasture where countless vehicles were parked, never once looking back. The ache in my chest was now a full blown stabbing pain as I watched her run away. I wanted to run after her, pull her into my arms and assure her that whatever was going on we could get through together — but somehow I knew this wasn't a fight I could help her win until she believed it was time. I didn't know the cause, it seemed, from the varying looks of confusion and upset on the Dixons' faces that they didn't either. There was a hushed murmur that fell over the crowd of people gathered in my parents' backyard as they settled back into regular conversation— a few still seemed hung on the sudden departure but most were content to move on easily enough. However easy it was for them to return to their regular conversation, my own desire to be around others had suddenly died off. I wanted a few minutes on my own to digest and breathe.

In the minutes between saying goodbyes and driving home everything was a blur. The same thoughts kept running through my mind, the memory of seeing her again, however fresh, replaying in my mind. Should I have chased after her? Would she have wanted me to, or was I the reason she had ran in the first place?

However, a truck parked askew in my drive was all it took for me to be yanked from my solitary thoughts. I took a moment to grab the .45 out of my center console as an assurance of safety before climbing out of my truck toward the unknown vehicle. The crunch of gravel under my boots didn't help with the stealth angle, but it gave whoever was on my property time to reveal themselves and get outta here in time.

"There's a house." The feminine voice was nothing more than a broken whisper, one I hardly recognized at first. My heart shuddered in my chest as I took a moment to steady myself.

"Cade, someone built a house here. Our spot." The torn quality of December's words tugged at the worn bands of my heart. My eyes finally met her figure, kneeling on the gravel clutching the baggy ends of her hoodie desperately. Her safety blanket. Her hands shook while her swirling grey eyes dripped tears. Her pain so strong that I tasted on my tongue, an acidic tang that burned my throat. I was uncertain how to respond to her, frozen in shock and confusion. Every word, joke, consolation I had dreamed up in my mind had simply vanished the moment I laid eyes on her trembling figure kneeling in my driveway.

"Who - who would do such a thing!" She all but screamed, her words cracking under the sorrow seeping from her body. Watching her torment herself was too much for me, I couldn't stand it.

"Me."

Her head snapped up after only a second, it seemed that the word had processed as quickly as the meaning behind it. I could see the lingering question, the desire to know why in the stormy grey depths. I wasn't going to make her ask.

"Come inside for a glass of tea, I'll explain." I busied myself with putting away my protection from earlier as I spoke, not to pressure her; still I couldn't resist holding out my hand in an offer to help her up. The desire to touch her again was overwhelming my senses all at once and somehow I knew that was going to be her deciding factor. She hesitated briefly, eyes lingering on my outstretched palm, lips sagging down into a pout of uncertainty. They were the longest moments of my life I realized as I waited for her to accept my help — but the moment our flesh met the same spark from our youth reignited and I knew without a doubt she was going to be forever mine. Even if I had to wait forever for her darkness to disappear.