Fixing My Heart ➣ Sam Pottorff

Chapter 11

I'm feeling really depressed v,v so I'm gonna write a depressing chapter.

NO EDIT NOR REVISION ENJOY!

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Song Of Chapter "Who Are You," Fifth Harmony

Gabriela:

I felt like I'm running away from my sadness, its like i don't care anymore, i haven't really talked to anyone, except Connor & Jc. I'm laying on Connor's bed currently, since i don't feel like approaching Sam and Acacia.

yes they got back together, which is part of why I'm feeling like this, as if Sam just threw our 6 months together away, which makes me really mad and furious that Acacia is the reason why. i don't get it, like once I'm the most important person in your life, then I'm not. What am i actually to you?

who are you to me? your a stranger to me.

his birthday concert thing is coming up, which i had gotten invited to but, don't think I'm going. Probably for the fans and the boys, but that's it, cause all i really want to do is sleep. I haven't tweeted nor used any of my social media in awhile, probably a good 3 weeks, which gives me a lot of explaining. i haven't eaten in 3 days, not including the days Connor dragged me out of his room so i could eat. i just don't want anything to do with this world that i live in, to do anything ever again. i feel like ive fallen into depression, and yet i probably did. and i wish to stay like this forever. I pulled the cream coloured sheets over my head, turning my head to my phone which has been playing "Undone," by Hailey Rainhart for possibly they 100th time, me changing it to "Who Are You," by 5H.

something about music always puts me in a better mood.

and writing, my passion for writing is so strong i don't really know how to describe it. And netflix, yeah ive been using Connor's netflix Bc well i forgot my password, opps. i fell asleep slowly to the ending

"......I'm still, the same."

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Connor:

i sat next to Jc at the dinner table, before getting up and grabbing Gabriela food. I'm starting to worry, she hasn't really been up, all she has done was lay in bed and sleep. I would do the same but i still have my wonderful viewers and you tube. I put two slices of pizza on the plate and a coke from the fridge, going upstairs and seeing Gabriela scrolling through I'm guessing her music. She hasn't been on anything for awhile except for her music app and photos. "Hey cutie," she looked up and cracked a smile. "Hey," she croaked out. i closed the door, sitting on the bed that she was still laying on. "Now, i know you won't turn down Ricky's specialty Pizza he made for you, which i know is your favourite. She smiled, whispering a thank you and taking the biggest bite i have ever seen her take, her chewing her pizza.

i opened the coke for her, her drinking that slowly. i placed my hand oh her cheek, smiling my cheesy smile. she couldn't help but laugh the most adorable laugh ive heard, causing me to chuckle. "Oh Gabriela, you are such a great person, who doesn't deserve to be like this." she frowned, pausing in her motion. "I don't really know what to feel Connor, its like I'm sad and hurt, but I'm also happy and bittersweet, ive never felt like this before and that's what's weird.

its like i don't know what my mind is doing."

"mind over matter my dear, you loved Sam alot, and well he just decided to go with Acacia. He doesn't need her, his heart doesn't know what to d either. you'll be okay darling."

"oh Connor you always know how to make things better, i just need that love from someone to bring me out of my mind of state."

"you my dear just need to love yourself."

i smiled hugging her tightly and firmly.

Gabriela;

everyone needs that one person who will make them feel better, and I'm glad I have that type of person with me. I Take things for granted sometimes and it makes me think, i have been privileged with such an amazing life that i take for granted? yet I'm very foolish sometimes.

and yes, i do need to except myself and love myself before anyone could love me.

i slightly adjusted myself laying in Connor's bed as he went to sleep in the guest room, which i should be in but i like his bed better. i have a great life, yet so many bad things have happened that i don't really know what to believe. its like my mind goes berserk and i can't understand what's going on

love to me is such a powerful word. yet no one can fully say they love someone, yet pure lust to each other. love can be anything, but saying i love you can just be three simple words, with nothing behind them. once you have that special connection with someone, that you can trust and feel comfortable with each other, have made every decision, right and wrong with them, then you can truly say you love that person.

But yet, half of this population tells the person they "love," i love you everyday, while the other person does not mean it. that's what's weird about life, a word can mean something, actions can mean something else.

no one can love, until they can love themselves.

Other then that it is pure lust, not love. What if i didn't love Sam, because i don't love myself? Yet that is a different question from the millions i have to ask myself. Maybe my love for him wasn't real, maybe it was lust, but maybe is a 50 percent chance, and the other is right, yet one half is wrong.

love my friend, is a difficult word to understand. Love yourself, and learn to before loving someone else. ♡

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i updated this book and West Coast, please go read it! Also thank you for the votes ive recieved means alot (:

xoxo,

sincerely yours truly