Secretly In Love With You (Randy Cunningham: The 9th Grade Ninja Fanfic)

Chapter 31: In Between the Lines

Megan's POV

I shouldn't have loved, that is for sure. I knew that it was going to be a huge burden. But instead,I listened to my heart instead of my brain. My brain was telling me the awful truth but my heart fed me so much sugar-coated lies, I failed to see that it was never going to be true. After my outburst at Randy's house, I finally understood why. Why I shouldn't love,

Because I'm a heartless beast.
Wild and untamed.
I'm merely a wild animal on the loose.
I was never supposed to be treated properly.

In that snowy day, I just ran. I just ran not knowing where to go. Not knowing where keep myself warm. I had felt the blizzard coming towards my direction. I knew I need to find to find shelter. Instead of knocking to the near door I could find. I turned and loomed with in the forest. I found a cave with the darkest breeches of the forest. I sighed and hugged myself trying to warm myself. It was cold, dark and silent, much like myself. As the blizzard rated outside, I hid within this cave, contemplating my life on what I have done, on what I have discovered and what I was meant to face.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. It was never supposed to be like this. This was never part of the plan. I thought I could have handled this task easily. Instead, I did the complete opposite of it. I was supposed to free my people, my family and my friends. It was supposedly an easy task. I was absolutely wrong. I was definitely wrong. I looked around this musty cave. It wasn't much. There were a few branches that were probably brought in by critters so I gathered it up to set a fire. As I piled up the pieces of twigs, fallen leaves and branches, I lit it up with a single flare from my finger. I guess, that trigger my powers. Meeting my parents' killer. I hovered my hand near the open flame, feeding my hunger for warmth. As I gazed upon the burning flame, a conversation started in my head.

"Why did I end up here in the first place...?" 

"Maybe... It's because I was too gullible and too desperate for love."

"Maybe, because killing was never the reason why I came here in the first place."

"Maybe, because I was trying to seek love instead of revenge."

"Maybe, its because I was yearning for love too much since I had no parents."

"Or maybe because my relatives failed to show me the love that I had been reaching out for. Since they immediately think that I didn't need and that putting me in line of throne was already too much to ask."

"Am I even ready to be queen?"

"What would it be like to be one...?"

"Would they still allow me...?"

"I failed to kill the ninja. Would they still accept me?"

"Would they still find me worthy of the throne...?"

"After all this... Probably not anymore"

"Why did I even loved him...?"

"Is it because he's charming? That he's handsome? That he cared? That he did something? Or maybe because he loved me back...?"

I held my head, starting to tear up.

"That was just stupid"

I folded my arms and put my head down. The tears started falling down my lap, burning the sweater. I cried and cried and cried. I just wanted everything to be okay. I just wanted everything to go back to normal. I just wanted to turn everything back so she can make it right.

"I wish I never even fell in love with Randy"

That was the only thought that touched my mind. The bitter truth that I tried to tear my mind away from. But it was true right...? If I hadn't love Randy, none of this would have happened. None of this would every happen. Nothing bad would have ever happened! But no, I refused to believe any of it was true. I was engaged into his aura. His positive aura. That aura that no one could have ever resist. You could say he was too impossible not to love. Maybe that was the trap.

"If it was then, I am never going love him again"

For days, I stayed in that cave. I hid and let the blizzard pass. For those few days, I stayed there and contemplated. I thoroughly thought my things through. I stayed and let my mind decide what was best for me and what was not. I never let my heart deceive me once again. This time I will let my mind decided. I will be smart about it. I would finally let the Phoenix flow with in me. After all...

"I am a Phoenix, I will not let my flames be burned down by a drop of water. I will stand up and own up to my mistakes. I WON'T BACK DOWN EVEN IF I HAD TO KILL ANYONE IN MY SIGHT!"

And from that moment forward, I felt something inside me. Something inside me stopped and something inside me... Cracked. A warm feeling surgery with in me. My eyes shined from the depth of this dark cage. Only if wasn't the color of the ocean anymore... It was the shade of blood which I thrist from. I felt like this was the feeling that I was missing this whole time.