Cataclysm

2.8

"Why'd you cut yourself?" I asked softly. We were sitting at the table with the light on, and Sky was carefully pulling the bandaids off of Leo's wrists.

He stayed staring at the table and didn't look at me. "It takes the pain away," he mumbled.

"But doesn't it hurt?"

"Of course it hurts." His stare hardened and he twitched as Sky pulled another bandaid off. I'd found some hydrogen peroxide and some gauze to wrap him up with. I appreciated Braken's attempt to help, but bandaids just weren't going to do much.

"Then why -"

"Because it takes away the hurt, just for a minute. It takes my mind off of the crushing dark in my head." His shoulders had tensed up again in anger, and Sky gently rubbed his back for a moment until he relaxed.

"Oh. I'm sorry," I said.

Leo started to stand up, but Sky pushed him down. "He keeps saying that!" he protested. "He won't quit it!"

"That's because he's really sorry," Sky murmured, pulling the last bandaid off. "He wishes he could help you." He glanced at me. "Anxious people apologize a lot."

"I'm not -" I started, but caught his warning look and didn't finish my sentence.

"Okay, now we're going to wash you up," Sky said, changing the subject. "It's going to hurt a lot. I'm sorry."

I poured some hydrogen peroxide onto a cotton ball and gently pressed it against his cuts. He yelped and jerked his hand back, glaring at me. I reached for his hand again and he actually hit me.

"Stop it, Leo. I'm trying to help," I muttered, rubbing my hand.

"It stings," he snapped.

"I know." I dabbed the cotton ball on his cuts again, and he let out a breathy cry of pain, jerking out of my grip again. "Hold still," I said.

"It hurts," he whispered.

"I know, and it'll hurt a whole lot worse if you let them get infected."

"Don't worry," Sky said. "We'll get you cleaned up in no time."

I could tell by the look on his face that "no time" felt like forever. He grit his teeth and cringed every time the soaked cotton ball touched his skin. His fists were clenched hard enough to make his palms bleed as his fingernails dug into them. I tried to go a little faster, but then I just hurt him more.

"I'm so sorry, Leo," I mumbled as he let out a wail and twitched hard enough to make himself fall over.

"J-just hurry up," he snapped, trying to sound brave and tough, but I could see the pain and the terror in his eyes. His face was red and streaked with tears, and when I finished cleaning the gashes, he gasped for breath, his shoulders relaxing.

"Here. Give me your hand." Sky took his hand gently and laid a gauze pad on the cuts, and then used more gauze to keep it there by wrapping it around his wrist, making sure it was tight without hurting him. He did the same to the other hand, crossing the bandage over his palm and between his thumb and fingers.

Leo pulled his hands up to his chest and dropped his eyes, rubbing the tears away from his cheeks. "Thanks," he mumbled. "And ... and sorry. Sorry I did this. Sorry I'm a failure ..."

"You're not a failure, Leo." Sky squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. "You're a little broken, but that's okay. We'll build you back up."

"We will build it once again," I murmured, remembering the words to the song he sang in his cell at the games.

He glanced at me, looking as if he couldn't decide whether to be angry or sad.

"When the colors fade, and it turns to grey," I sang a little louder, "we'll calmly walk away, walk away from the fray."

"You sang it wrong," Leo muttered.

"How does it go, then?" Sky asked.

Leo didn't answer.

"When structure falls, and all else fails, we will build it once again," I continued.

"Stop singing," he snapped.

Sky glanced at me and I sighed, going quiet.

A few minutes later, there came a small, timid knock at the door. "Who is it?" Sky called.

The door opened a crack in response.

"It's Braken," I said, and then raised my voice. "Come in."

The small Gifted poked his head in the kitchen and locked eyes with Leo. Slowly, he raised his fist to his chest and made a little circle. He was sorry? Why was he apologizing? Leo was the one who'd snapped at him. Somehow, I managed to keep my mouth shut.

"Braken," Leo said softly, standing up. "Oh, no. I'm so sorry, I didn't ... I didn't mean to say that, and I ... I just ..."

Before he could find the words to complete his sentence, Braken ran up to him and hugged him tightly. I wished I could forgive as easily as he could.

Leo buried his face in his soft brown hair, even though Braken was shorter and had to stand on his toes. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. Braken made a soft sound and squeezed him tighter. He traced a few words on Leo's back with his finger, over and over, until he released him and backed up a little. He made that strange sign again, the one that meant I love you, and then he took Leo's hand and traced the words on his palm. I love you. I love you. I love you.

"You - you do?" Leo said in disbelief.

Braken gave him a sad smile. Of course I do.

"What's he saying?" Sky whispered to me.

I shrugged. If they wanted to tell him, they would.

Leo glanced down at the pink skirt his friend was wearing. "You know ..." he started slowly.

Braken instantly dropped his eyes and swished his skirt a little, most likely remembering what Leo had told him at the ballet - that skirts were for girls.

"You look beautiful today," Leo murmured.

Braken blushed and smiled, running a hand through his blue bangs. I don't know if I would call it beautiful - his ragged, brownish pink hoodie was worn and stained, and it didn't match the bright fabric of the skirt, not to mention he wore it over his jeans - but his smile lit up the room. He took Leo's hand again and wrote something else, and then at his friend's nod, he pulled him out of the apartment and down to the spot he'd claimed as his own.

"They're a strange pair, aren't they?" I muttered.

"One of a kind," Sky agreed.

"I wish I could help him." I sighed softly and leaned back on my chair. "I always say the wrong things."

"Sometimes, no matter what you do, you can't help people," Sky said as he stood up and left the apartment.

I stared after him, thinking about what he'd said. Refuge was a strange place. There were dozens of people who'd been through many different trials, all with unique stories. They could tell me so much. And yet I still couldn't help my friend.

I tipped back on my chair and stared at the ceiling, thinking about everything. I still needed a plan. I needed to help Leo. I needed to save Gus before he was killed. Also, I had no idea where Varien was. He'd disappeared almost as soon as we'd gotten here, a few days ago.

The weak light above the table flickered, and as if on cue, my chair slipped and I fell backwards with a yelp, the crash knocking the breath out of me. I stayed laying on the floor for another moment, and then suddenly, I knew how we were going to take on the Enforcers.