Alone

Cover image @ everythingposs Depositphotos.com

Chapter photo credits courtesy of Canva.

The life of books was the only life that made sense to her. Books were a safe world that Evie used to hide away from the harsh realities of her real life. There was also sorrow in books, but there was also a happy ending, with the sense that everything would be alright. Evie's life never seemed to reach to that point. Instead, it was filled with one sorrow after another, which had left her alone.

Her life was happiest when she walked under the arches into the children section of the library, where she was the librarian. She felt at home surrounded by the smell of paper and ink. In her mind, the smell of a new book was the most evocative scent. She loved her job — the books, the children. Matching a child to just the right book and to see a face light up over a story was magical.

Ironically, children's fiction was not always happy, but after the tears there was hope. Hope, that was what her life was missing. Her hope for a happily ever after, had long since evaporated in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit as she watched her only child, little Gabriel, born thirteen weeks early take his last breaths. She named him after the angel that Evie had hoped would watch over him. She no longer believed in angels or their God.

Then there were the doctors, telling her she may never carry a baby to term, not without extreme caution and further loss. Colin refused to go through it again. He said he wanted to protect her. Her hope for a family was whisked away and Colin went along with it, right out the door into the arms of another who gave him a healthy child.

The last bit of hope vanished when her father, the man who raised her after her mother died when she was just twelve, died suddenly of a heart attack. Evie was alone feeling abandoned and lost. The only thing she could cling to were books with their fragrant, crisp pages and stories that could make her forget, if only for a moment.

All the young patrons at the library had become her adopted children. She talked to them and she knew what each liked and disliked. The older they got their list of dislikes became longer. Fridays were her favorite and least favorite day all rolled into one. She hated it, because the library closed early and forced her to go home to a long lonely evening. She loved it, because it was the day of her middle school book discussion group.

Evie asked her group of seven girls, for some reason she could never convince any boys to join, do you think the girls understood what they were doing was wrong, when they hid the grandmother's body? The responses varied, but one girl, Lily, who had recently joined the group responded, "They got to keep her longer. People who die usually get put in the cold ground all alone."

Evie had noticed a sad look in this little girl's eyes, but suddenly felt a kinship. Learning that Lily had experienced loss at her young age made Evie sad. Lily was that she was often picked up late. Although Evie was not required to ensure that each child was picked up, she never left until the children had. When the library closed and Lily was sitting on the bench out front, Evie sat down with her. They lived in a relatively safe town, but she should be left alone.  Winter was approaching and the sun had set before five. The cold, damp air chilled Evie as they sat.