Alone

Hope

Evie stayed in bed on Saturday morning. She stared at the sloped ceiling above her bed. Her apartment was on the second floor of an old converted home. She had placed her bed between the two window dormers. The textured plaster had overlapping swirls just like her thoughts.

She remembered the feel of Tom's lips on hers. He had taken her by surprise when he kissed her, yet somehow it felt right. When was the last time she'd kiss a man she'd just met? College? Yes, there were a few occurrences when she hooked up with a guy at a party. She was young then, but not anymore. Librarians didn't act this way, she chastised herself.

Still, they had only kissed, but it was nice. Tom must have come to his senses, because he quickly pulled away and looked at his daughter. "I'm sorry. I need to get her home."

Was he sorry for kissing her or that he needed to go? Once Lily was awake, he acted cordial. He thanked her for watching Lily and for the pizza.

She gathered herself. "It was no bother."

In the light of the day her response, no bother, seemed formal. Too formal after they had just kissed. The morning light also brought about the realization that he had only kissed her out of sympathy. She had just told him about losing Gabriel.

Oh God! She had cried, and he had wiped her tears. It was so kind of him, but he didn't need a broken woman. He needed a happy, vibrant woman to help him through his own loss. It must have been the reason he left without even asking for her phone number. She just hoped that he would continue to let Lily come home with her on Fridays, because she was very fond of the sweet girl.

Dewey walked across her and meowed. He was unhappy that he hadn't had his breakfast yet. When she still didn't move, he head butted her. She sighed. "All right, I'm getting up."

She couldn't even take care of her cat and she had wanted to be a mother, she scolded herself. She knew that comparison wasn't fair, because if Gabriel had lived, she'd have no reason to be sad and lonely. She would have jumped out of bed at the sound of his voice or perhaps he would climb onto her bed and snuggle. She tried to picture him at three and couldn't see beyond the tiny baby hooked up to wires and tubes. She wondered, would Colin be there to laugh and tickle him or would he have found another reason to leave her? Her life was filled with should haves and would haves.

Now she added more to her list, would Tom have kissed her if she hadn't cried? Should she have fallen so easily into his arms? Would she be embarrassed when she saw him again?

Attempting to think happier thoughts she put on music and cleaned up her apartment. Listening to the lyrics, as she dusted, she entertained the possibility that Tom, perhaps wasn't ready to be kissing her. He lost his wife, and Evie was the one crying. Perhaps he felt his own loss too and was just seeking comfort.

What confused her most was that he seemed to like their kisses, but he left with no indication that he wanted to see her again. She really wasn't certain what he could have said with Lily there. Lily probably wouldn't be happy, if she knew her father was kissing another woman. The sweet girl missed her mother, and Evie had no intention of making her sorrow worse.

She completed her household work and went to do errands. She was almost out of shampoo, tampons, paper towels and fresh produce. When she arrived home, she was exhausted. Emotions bred exhaustion. She had plans to meet her friend for dinner and debated canceling.

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself! Go have some fun!"

She met Sarah at a local brew pub. Unlike most, this one had a reputation for its food that was as good as its beer. Sarah worked at the circulation desk and had known Evie since before her life changed. Like Evie, Sarah was divorced and had been for a long time. Unlike Evie, she had two children, both teenagers. They were with their father and his new wife for the weekend. Sarah liked to make fun of the new wife.

Once seated at a table, Sarah started. "I can't wait for Jeff to get his license then I'll never have to drop them off or have their father pick them up. I'm not kidding when I dropped them off, the step-mommy stood in the doorway in a short robe which looked about to open. I'm not sure what was more unbelievable what she wasn't wearing, or that she waved to me like we're friends. I texted him to say the little wife should wear clothes around my teenage son."

Evie laughed. "Did he respond?"

"Oh yes, he said I was just jealous of her great body. I told him he should keep that body for himself and not share it with his son."

"You didn't!" It shocked Evie.

"Oh yes, I did. At fifteen, my boy has enough hormones surging through his body without torturing him by having a half naked woman parading around."

Evie laughed, and it felt good. She wished she could be strong like Sarah who lived through the embarrassment of her husband having an affair and a nasty divorce. Evie could barely survive the unknown after a few kisses.

"I met a guy."

"A guy, as in eligible, date worthy guy?"

"Yes, but I don't know if he even likes me. He's the father of a girl in my middle school book group."

"Divorced?"

"No, widower."

"Oh interesting. Have you talked to him?"

"I took Lily home with me on Friday. He can't leave work to get her before five, so she almost had to quit my book group. When he picked her up, he stayed to have pizza," Evie confessed a partial version of the story.

"Is he good looking?"

"Very!" With gorgeous green eyes.

"What's his name?"

"Tom." Just saying his name was exciting. "He probably isn't ready to move on."

"But if he is, who better than someone who understands loss."

Dinner continued, and Evie was glad she went. Sarah was her best friend, and she did not tell her the whole truth, but Evie wasn't one to kiss and tell.

When she reached her door, there was an envelope on the mat. She picked it up and opened it.

Dear Evie,

Would you like to spend the day with us on Sunday? Let us know at 258-9999.

Tom and Lily

Evie smiled and hugged the letter to her heart. She quickly texted, Yes!

Tom replied almost immediately. Great! Pick you up noon.

Suddenly all her fretting seemed silly. When she went to bed, she thought about Tom and Lily, and she suddenly felt hope.

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