A Good Girl's Confession

Chapter 13: What A Good Girl I Used To Be

NOT PROOFREAD! FORGIVE ME FOR ALL THE ERRORS!

This chapter will be more of Lauren's confessions with what she has been through before and after Drake has come into her life. How much of the good side she had lost along her journey to have Drake , in exchange of trying something new that made her a total different person.

*Lauren's POV*

I know there's a big question mark posted in your head as you have witnessed my behavior for a while. Being that shameless girl who don't think twice before straddling her boyfriend, stripping with no inhibitions, flirting with some other guys? I'm not this kind of girl. I used to be that nonchalant, meek, nerdy, and I-dont-care-with-how-the-world-goes girl. I just locked myself in my room pigging out until my stomach bursts open. I don't care with what other people say behind my back because I'm just like "Who Cares? I'm living with the most caring parents and all stuffs. I can buy everything I want, especially designer bags, dresses, and shoes that can make all the bitches eyes drop out their sockets but I'm not a show-off ofcourse. I don't want making  also don't know how to use such unpolitely words and the likes but now look at me.

Staring on the side window of Drake's car is a whole different version of me. Lipgloss, blush ons, masscara, eye shadows and concealers. I'm looking at a gorgeous girl that has made a Constanza bowed on his knees.

"You ok sweetcake?", Drake asks me worrily. He's a little bit off when he's seeing me with a make up on.

"Don't worry love! It's natural for me to fix myself because duh?! We're heading for a party right?", I said trying to be mean as I roll my eyes enough to piss him off.

At first, curiousity flashes through his eyes. He has something to ask me but he tries holding back. He just take a deep breath and offer me a meaningful look. "You're weird Shar", he said smiling as he put his hands on my thigh and try moving it in a circular motion while his other hand is busy maneuvering the steering wheel.

He's making me dysfunctional again. Once we are inside his car, he's giving my system a hard time restraining myself from mauling into him and just get wasted.

When Im caught up in this kind of situation, I'm into singing my so-called destructing-tactic mantra. "Inhale Exhale Close Eyes and Explode". Oh? It's just inside my head by the way. And when the word Explode comes into view, I will be like frozen as steel.

My heart is hammering inside my chest. I don't know if I'm hallucinating but flashes of images keep on replaying in my mind. The darkness in his eyes reminded me the first time I got to witness his brooding knee-melting cold as ice stare.

I am now looking at a lanky malnourished girl roaming the lightless street. She is a mess with those bloodshot eyes and stinking smell radiating towards the other side of the road. Humiliating and Devastating as it sounds, I am seeing the Lauren at age 14. Her life is totally been robbed off when her parents abandoned her. She has been dumped without proper closure and goodbye. She just woken up with those credit cards and bank materials on her side table. Knowing how vulnerable she was as a girl, she roams around the house she has for herself alone shouting until her voice can't help her anymore. She just realized she was left alone and she should face her life with no one would be there to guide and come for her aid.

She tried surviving with all money and own initiative alone for 3 years. She faced life with so much grief, remorse, resentment and vengeance. Try to blend in to school girl and boys but she is really caught up with how miserable her life has become. She just decided to end her life in any way she could find, but what can she do when Lord Jesus Christ won't let her die yet.

The moment I'm witnessing right now is when she decided to take a walk in the middle of the night. She just can't take it anymore and she's in search for death. She walk out her house looking like a zombie during an apocalypse. Every person she meets will move away from her because she can really be qualified as a peasant or worst a girl banged endlessly. She is now crying like hell because people just see her as a plague. She is just doomed with misery.