Hamilton boyfriend scenarios

The things i do

I know and have always known exactly why I do things but never why other do things. I never understood why Ryan the taken boy flirted with me and tried to kiss me. I never understood why boys would look down my shirt. And the thing I never understood was why he left me. I loved him, gave him all my time, my attention, everything. He left anyways. I loved him, a part of me still does, I still miss him when our song comes on, but I understand what effect his leaving left on me. I have become more unhinged and my emotions fluctuate easily and very intensely. I treat any man like I was interested in him, either my age or older, just to get some kind of gain, like what he did to me. I had done this for about 6 months until, on the morning of December 3, 2017, I met him. This new boy I met wasn't anything like the boy who had taken my heart, used it and then put it in a food processor just to blow the dust in my face, he was new. This new boy seems to be the exact opposite of the one I once would die for. This new man respected me, treated me nice, made me laugh and made me feel special all in the span of 4 minutes. I got his number and we've been texting and I fell hard and fast for him. But unfortunately, age kept and still keeps us apart from being with each other.  I understand why I asked for his number, I understand exactly why I love him,  I understand why our courtship is forbidden but one thing I don't understand is. How Just 4 minutes on a December morning changed me so much?