tunnel | kth x jnk ✔

after

It's been approximately eight days and seven hours since my life turned upside down. Just a representation of how long I've been living this new life. This life without Taehyung.

My day starts with me waking up. I wake up to start, and for a moment, I'm confused about my whereabouts. Where was I? What was I doing today? Why does everything that was once so familiar seem so unfamiliar and foreign? Then, I realise why. It's because Taehyung sacrificed his life.

A sharp, piercing pang never fails to stab me in the heart. It's almost as if I was back at that old, worn-down and desolate house, screaming at Taehyung to wake up. Tears almost immediately spring up to my eyes, and I curl over and hug my pillow tightly, wishing it was Taehyung I was hugging. Instead, it is a pillowcase filled with feathers.

I remember back when I was a little toddler, the woman living in the house across the road from us had a miscarriage. Every morning around eleven, I would hear a painful, agony-filled howl from her house. I used to get annoyed at her for interrupting me in whatever I was doing, but I now understand the full truth and why she would have any reason to howl like that. Sleep provided a temporary escape from the hellhole she was living in, but the worst part of the day is always when you wake up from the interim haven and are forced to experience the same pain you felt at first all over again.

I eventually get physically and mentally exhausted, so I make my way over to the kitchen to make breakfast - anything other than toast. Taehyung loved to eat his toast plain.

I turn on the television and stare at the screen, trying to ignore the constant ache that is my heart. I was just going through the motions, really. I tried all sorts of things to help get my mind off of Taehyung, but nothing ever helped. Not even studying, which was what used to be able to distract me from my father's death. 

Sometimes, Jimin or Chaeyoung visits me. I try not to get too comfortable with Jimin, refusing his efforts of consolation and warm embraces. Allowing myself to accept him completely again would just add to my agony. I wanted to put all of my faith into Taehyung's words, about how things would pass. He's wrong, though. I don't think my pain for him will ever pass, especially without him around to comfort me.

I somberly make my way to my bed, crashing head-first into the sheets. I read his letter religously every night, in hopes that the happy ending he portrayed for me would come true. At that moment, though, it seemed like my life would forever be stuck in this constant state of hollow pain. 

It is crazy to think how a few months could completely change me - the way I dress, the way I act, the way I see life.

Taehyung was right. Time heals everything, even if it takes a little more time than usual. After a few months, the sharp pain that was constantly stabbing my heart over and over again eventually faded to a numb one. The kind that, after more time, would grow on me and would allow me to get used to.

Just like how my pain somehow faded, I get more comfortable around Jimin as well. He is a symbol in my life. He represents the past, and so does Taehyung. Two entirely different people who made their impact on me at different points of my life and has shaped me into the person I am today. Who would represent my future? Unfortunately, that is still unknown. 

Later on in life, after getting my doctors' degree and becoming a doctor at the renowned Seoul National University Hospital, I meet someone who will be the symbol of my future. This man who taught me that what happened to Taehyung was just a scar on me, likewise for Jimin. That scar is just something that happened to me - not who I am. The scar doesn't define me, and he made it his goal to make sure my entire life wouldn't revolve around this one scar.

Min Yoongi. The man who I will spend the rest of my life with, grow old together, and build a family with. For the vast majority of my life, I thought Jimin would be that man. Then, I met Taehyung, who opened my eyes. I thought he would be that man. Then, he left my life. Eventually, I met Yoongi, who came off slightly apathetic and emotionless at first, but finally opened up and stole my heart. The fact that he didn't express his feelings very often only made it more special when he did.

It's insane to think how you always envisage yourself going in this particular direction in life, but unknown courses such as missing pieces and apathetic guys knock you off course for the better. People who shape you and teach you your morals in life. Things that happen to you and scar you. Blood. Sweat. Tears. Happiness. Jubilance. Excitement. All these pieces connect together to form the life individuals grow to lead. Not everything is happy, and not everything is bad. There are grey spots in the midst of all of the black and white panels in life. 

This is the story of my life. Thank you for reading it.