The Rose Without Thorns. { Thranduil X Oc }

Chapter 3 : The Past

" The past is like our darkest enemy it resides in us , it kills us , The past can be worse than any blade to an elf. The past holds the pain that cannot be described and at any moment it can make or break you. 

I stand on the verge of a cliff at night and I know that if i jump ill either fall or fly and yet I stand still not moving forward or back. Stuck when the world passes me , and I am left behind for i know not what to do not how to do it. For I burned my map long ago and the instructions brought with it.

I know the pain , the suffering that occurs when you are helpless for I have stood in the night , screaming at the moon , desperate attempts to reclaim what was lost. But how powerless was I that I could only scream ... How powerless I was that dark , lonely night " 

I guess we all try to save others , because saving ourselves thats the hard thing. We hide behind walls built so tall and so thick that even areselves dont see the cracks forming on the innear layer. We only notice when the wall cracks and crumbles but sometimes to build something better you must destroy the old. 

As I walked that night dressed in black and gold an usual combination for my kind but not colors I felt most comfortable in. I moved like shadows unnoticed and silent. I watched from the sidelines almost , as many beautiful elven maidens walked in escorted by there partners. I found my heart was heavy and I was unsure if I should go in . Today was not a good day for my mind. For the past had settled like a dark cloud that could not be lifted until it cleared naturally. But it felt like it was a storm that had been building for some time. Then again it was that time of year again. 

I eventually worked up the courage to go in , for if I lost my job I would have nothing else. I lived to work , to serve that was my life now. As I rose my head I felt the familiar rise of power and confidence return. Maybe it was fake , an act but I didn't care . It got me through things so I didn't care after that. 

The palace was lit up beautifully and I admired the dancing lights of flickering candles as they danced without form. Individual flames all shining as one. It was the small things in which I took delight and as I took a glass of wine I began to relax. I didn't even really drink it , just having it in my hand standing back in the palace after so long felt right and familiar . Somehow the palace felt more like home than even home did. I glanced around admiring the many dresses of elven maidens that danced around the hall. For an elf i wasn't a particularly good dancer. I could sing and proudly so but dancing was something I had never truly achieved despite my mother's strict instructions it appeared best if I actively avoided the entire activity.

I soon found myself walking to the balcony and glancing up into the starry sky.  Such beautiful diamonds in an ocean of black. How something so dark seemed so beautiful.

I sensed another's presence and I turned to go when I felt a grand on my shoulder.

" Please , do not leave simply because I came. "

I knew that voice anywhere , for it was the voice of a king. I felt the fear run through me and I knew not how to react. I froze half turned. Somehow I could sense this would become a habit for him. Catching me off guard like this.

I turned slowly and bowed my head " forgive me milord.  I wasn't aware you were here "

" perhaps because I was not. I simply walked out only a moment ago "

To say I felt awkward was an understatement. I was beyond awkward and yet I knew it was simply because I lacked the procedure for an occasion like this.

Soon enough I felt something tugging at my dress and looking down I saw Legolas . He smiled brightly at me before a small frown stained his face
" Rora,  why are you sad ? "

I looked surprised and I could feel the Kings gaze on me. 
" I am not sad. Little leaf " I spoke gently to him. But my heart hammered in my chest.

Thranduil looked at his son with a somewhat softened expression

" Legolas why do you think Aurorialis is upset ? "

" Rora chews her lip when she is sad " Legolas replied seemingly dishearted as he watched me intently. I had forgotten how much that little boy seemed to notice. I had indeed been chewing my lip. A clear sign I was nervous and upset.

Thranduil looked at me and I fixed my composure " Forgive me. My mind is elsewhere tonight "

" the stars they beckon to you also ? "

" I fear I do not understand to what you speak ? "

" Some believe that the stars are messengers of those we lost.
I'm simply asking do they call you tonight "

I looked down understanding to what he referred to and I nodded slowly before speaking though my voice was barely a whisper

" They scream to me milord but I hold no answers nor do they ever reply to my questions "

Thranduil seemed saddened and looked at Legolas " Legolas could you leave me and Aurorialis alone "

" but Ada me and Rora were going to play "

" shhh now. I'm sure you will have time later "

Legolas reluctantly left us both and an awkward silence filled the air until he broke it.

" Lose someone close ? "

" Havent we all ? "

" your pain seems fresher than most "

" its old enough. But I've yet to find the strenght to let it go. "

" ... I won't lie. I too wait for the pain to disappear and the sleepless nights to be filled with peace once more. "

I looked at him and for a moment all I could see was a husband grieving his lost wife.

" my son tells me. ... your son went away"

He spoke carefully but even his gentle tone or careful words could not prevent my heart from cracking open. Raw and vunerable.

I knew I could not speak about it. Nor did I wish to lash out
I bowed quickly " forgive me... I cannot "
My voice was dangerously close to breaking and I rose quickly before hurrying out.

I could hear him calling me but I could not even see in front of me clearly as tears flowed down my high cheekbones to stain my dress

As the doors of the palace shut behind me I heard the shouting of a little boy

" RORA !"

But I kept walking. Turning back meant facing something.
Something I simply couldn't.

So I stand atop that cliff once more. The option to fall or fly,  to seek the heavens or the depths and yet I simply walk back away from the choice.
Stuck
Lost
And never moving forward.