The Rose Without Thorns. { Thranduil X Oc }

Chapter 4 : Old Friends Bring Old Pain

" Sometimes the trick is not letting go , its simply accepting it will always be with you and that , that becomes what you make it. Be it good or be it bad. It will stay with you " 

The next morning I awoke as If I had spent the entire eve drinking. My head ached with the vengeance of the gathering sleepless nights and I found myself unable to rise. As I looked down at myself I saw I had not bothered to change into my night clothes , instead I lay in the awkward dress which explained the stiffness of my posture. Slowly the events of the previous night came back to me and I felt the pain also return along with the mortification of the fact that I had fled from the king and from the palace in such an undignified manner. I felt like just lying here for eternity. I knew not what to do , how was I . My life had always been laid out for me all I had to do was do as I was told and now I was discovering situations in which I was unprepared for. 

How pathetic......... in all the centuries I have lived ....... I cannot function on my own still. 

I closed my eyes tightly , would this pain ever go ? . 

While thinking of the pain I remembered the conversation I held with the king . 

" Do the stars call to you also ? " 

Such gentle words and yet their was pain in them also. He was included in that. The stars still called him too. How hard it must be to rule a kingdom and be so utterly alone. I wondered if this world was all black and white or is that what I used to see. Everything had normally been so clear. If I didn't know what to do I would go to my mother or my father and now ... now I had turned them away. Isolated myself and now I am truly alone. 

I heard the distant knocking at my door but I did not rise. Whoever it was could go away and leave me be. I cared not for the future. The next hour concerned me more. But then a voice I knew all to well .... Or I used to think I knew so well . Turns out you never know someone too well. They are all full of surprises and he was no exception.  I definitely did not wish to see him but his voice persisted to call me to the door. 

I slowly rose from the bed and trailed slowly and stiffly to the door opening it partially to hide my disheveled state. 

" Ethial , To what do I owe thee pleasure " 

My voice came out tired and plain I was in no mood for airs and graces. 

" I got a message that it may be wise to come check on you " 

" And from whom did you receive that message " 

" The whom is not important Aurorialis " 

" Using my full name now ? I'm surprised you remember my name at all " 

I could not deign the pain or bitterness in my voice for the man that stood tall and proud now , with hair as dark as the deepest ocean and eyes as bright as the daylight sky.   A 

whom I used to walk side by side with . A man who had taken my heart and gave it as a gift to another.  I did not wish to see him , nor speak and yet he forced the door open with little effort. 

" You have grown bitter " He replied calmly , his voice was somewhat soft and I knew from his eyes and his unwillingness to meet mine that he pitied me. That only made my anger soar. 

" This is my home , you chose to leave so stay out " 

" The years have made you bitter , you are not the woman I remember you as " 

" Did you not expect me to change , did you not expect what you did not to hurt. People change Ethial . especially when you hurt them and at this time of year... do you mourn nothing , do you feel nothing ? " My voice cracked and became more high pitched as I felt the frenzy of pain and anger swirling within me so harsh I could not hope to contain it

" Your wrong about that. I mourn just as you do but I do not let it control my life.  You should learn that the past is the past Aurorialis and that clinging onto it will bring back nothing instead you will lose everything in the present. I am sorry for my role in it but we both knew it would never last " 

" No ... both of us didn't ... Leave now "  

I watched him turn away and once the door shut and I was alone , I sank to my knees . But before I closed my eyes. Outside the window I caught a glimpse of blond hair but I didn't take much notice for the pain ripping at my heart had stolen my breath and I lay on the floor unable to move.

I must have fallen asleep , for I cannot remember what happened apart from the feeling of someone lifting me up and putting me back into bed with a whispered 

" I'm sorry " 

Ethial ...........