Susan Was Always First

Love of Lust

Lucy's head felt off. Something was off. She wasn't quite sure what she was feeling, but it was not right. Could these two have done something to her meal or drink? Thinking quickly, Lucy began to place the symptoms with all known poisons and potions she could think of, though her mind drew a blank as none on the list matched. So, they had not poisoned her... was she just ill and too quick to judge these guests?

"Are you ill, Lucy? You've grown pale." Jesse looked to her, concerned.

Lucy felt her face flush, though she was uncertain as to why. "I am fine, Jesse."

"Cousin, I believe she could use some fresh air." Caralyn spoke quitely, sounding concerned.

Jesse nodded, standing and offering his arm to Lucy.

Lucy took it, trembling slightly. She could feel her heartbeat increase as she took his arm, the contact between them making her feel warm in her cheeks. This was not right- she should not be reacting like this to him- to anyone for that matter. Love, romance, desire... she had never experienced such things towards a man and was content to think she never would.

Jesse was kind, though he was also too bold. She could not stand that about him... right? Why did her mind want her to find that appealing now? Was that what love did?

"You look pale, Queen Lucy. Shall I send for a physician?" Jesse spoke after a long stretch of silence.

The two had reached one of the many balconies that overlooked the palace gardens. The wind was gentle on Lucy's face, cooling the heat in her cheeks, though it could not stop the racing of her mind or the quick beating if her heart within her breast.

"No, I think the air is all I need." Lucy rested her head against his arm, though her mind questioned the action. Something about this felt wrong... what was wrong...?

Jesse smiled at her, though his eyes were concerned. "You must be overworked or stressed. You have gone through a lot these past months. If you need to talk-"

"Thank you." Lucy cut off his words, lacing her hand with his. Something was wrong... or perhaps things had never been right until this moment. "You are so kind to me...I would like to accept your proposal, Jesse..."

---

Caspian looked at the cold pillow on Susan's side of the bed, imagining her smiling face grinning back at him. He could imagine his fingers ghosting up her body, tickling her as her laughter echoed throughout the room. Her lips would greet his passionately, would keep them in their room slightly past breakfast, with only a knowing grin from Edmund being the reaction from their family.

She was breathtaking in the morning, when the pale pinks of dawn would fill the room and dance across her. She had once teased him saying she though he liled to wake early not out of duty as king but to stare at her in the morning, a tease which he could not deny. He savored each moment he had with her like that, when they were just Susan and Caspian, allowed to be foolish in love outside of the public gaze and scrutiny of court.

But she was not there, and their large bed felt empty without her. They had been parted for so long, and all he wanted to do was hold her, whisper comfort to her and press a kiss to the swell of her stomach where their child lay as proof of their love.

He ran his hand over the lock of hair he still held onto, the only tangible piece he still had of her. They were so close to finding where his love and her brother were being held, so close to seeing her smile again...

Sighing, he stood to get ready for the day. Likely Lucy was well into her breakfast with Jesse and his cousin, and Edmund had probably began eating without him.