Bookworms | ✔

twenty-five

"I will be with you, Eliza," he said in a husky voice. "Whatever happens, I will always be with you."

Nicholas felt a tug at his heartstrings. Alex had confessed his love to Eliza, saving her from the brutal advances of another man, and promising to stay by her side during the rough currents of life. He glanced up from his reading, noticing Dina's small frame leaning against a bookshelf, and her eyes eagerly absorbing the contents of her book. 

It seemed like it was only days ago when they had first met. She was oblivious to the world around her, not caring for the lies their painted lips told, or the crude smiles from men who wanted to strip her innocence. He'd be damned if he let anyone touch such a gentle soul. 

Turning back to the book, he reread the lines. I will always be with you, he thought, remembering how similar Dina's letter to him was. 

Nicholas had never known the peace of having a family or the comfort of being loved. Darkness had buried him long ago, refusing to release its hold on him, and allowing misfortune to find Nicholas faster than the speed of sound. He forgot the warmth that light provided.

For years, he had been blinded to the small beauties that lurked within the universe, only focusing on the bitter taste of success and wealth. Colors became faded, blurs of misfits and elites, hatred following their shadows, looking for a new victim to infect. How Nicholas saw the world in such a dark scene, he had no idea, but he knew that the darkness always disappeared when Dina was there. 

She was his personal angel. 

Standing from his seat, he closed the book and walked towards Dina, Alex & Eliza tucked into his arm. Each step felt heavier than the last, ambivalent thoughts running through his maze of a mind. Each breath he took felt shakier than the last, twisted nerves overtaking his senses. Although he always felt anxiety at their closeness, he couldn't deny the strong pull of attraction towards Dina. 

This attraction was not from the alluring sprinkles of lust that clouded his judgment, no, his attraction was deeper than that. Nicholas knew Dina like his own mind, and he understood her mentality in ways that others refused to. Their intellectual bond had tied their souls together until he was left unraveled for her. 

"Scoot over."

Dina jumped, a hand flying to her chest. "Nemo! You scared me!'

"Sorry," he smiled. "I just wanted to talk to you."

She narrowed her eyes at him as Nicholas took the seat beside her, his hip touching hers. "Why?" she questioned, suspicious of his intentions. 

He felt Dina put some distance between them, a twinge of disappointment settling in, but Nicholas knew why. She was a Muslim woman, a girl who was sworn to her chastity, a girl who built thick walls around her heart to keep intruders like him out, a girl who mesmerized those who couldn't have her. 

But he wished he did.

"I missed you," he whispered, his voice huskier than normal. What's wrong with me?

Instantly, her cheeks flushed, and he could barely notice the light pink that tinted her golden complexion. "Don't say things like that."

"Can I ask why?"

She stayed silent, feeling the tension between them grow. Guilt and uncertainty swam in her eyes, tides crashing against the fragile surface, and brown eyes looking away shyly. Dina put God before everyone, and Nicholas couldn't help but wonder why. What made God so special that she always chose Him?

Nicholas sighed. "I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable."

"Stop apologizing."

"Dina," he started, ignoring her last words, "I have to confide in you."

Immediately, her eyes widened. "Did you finish the book?"

He shook his head. "Something a bit more personal."

"Spit it out already. I hate waiting," she lightly joked in an attempt to loosen the knots of tension between them.

Come on, Nick. Tell her how you feel. Tell her how much she means to you. 

As he looked deep into the brown orbs that made his knees go weak everytime she glanced at him, he felt the words melt on his tongue, slipping away. Nicholas had bottled his feelings for so long that he couldn't bring himself to confess. There was no path for Nicholas and Dina.

They were not meant to be and he was a fool for trying to force fate and destiny to work in his favor. Dina was probably promised to another, a man who was just as pious as she was, a man that didn't have demons, a man who could provide for her. Nicholas was not that man. His essence would only taint her perfection. 

Sensing his distress, Dina placed her hand on top of his, offering her warmth. "Nemo," she said softly. 

He felt tears well in his eyes at her compassion. "Sorry," he mumbled, "I don't know why I... just... never mind." His shoulders slumped in defeat. 

"Tell me," she urged. "I don't like seeing you sad."

Would she accept his affections even if it meant heartbreak in the end?

Fuck it, he thought, damn the world and all its cruelty.

"I love you," he confessed suddenly. 

She gasped, at loss for words. Her eyes widened in disbelief, refusing to accept him, but Nicholas continued. Even if he lost her in the end, at least he tried to seek her love. He would leave the library with no regrets, and that was a promise. 

"I know you'll never feel the same, and I know I'm not good enough, but I had to tell you. My parents hated me, my friends all left, and I was alone, but when we're together the world doesn't feel so bad."

She gripped his hand tighter, gazing at the book on his lap. Her lips parted ever so slightly and it took everything in him to not capture her lips in his own. He confessed. The deed was done, and now all that was left was the sting of rejection. 

But it never came. He noticed her silence and unwavering gaze on Alex & Eliza like it held the key to something so precious.

Without warning, she opened the book and flipped to a couple of pages ahead, her slender fingers touching the pages so delicately until she paused, keeping the page wide open. She pointed at one line, not a word from her lips.

"You are a man whose future lies before him for all to marvel at one day. And you, Colonel Hamilton, are mine, and I am yours always."

He read the words multiple times before the weight of them hit. Beside the words that Eliza uttered to Alex in the book, was a small pink sticky note.

I love you, it read. 

The tears that fell from Nicholas's eyes were not from sadness, but from the overwhelming emotions he was feeling. She loved him. The future was uncertain, but Nicholas had his future right in front of him.

----

I hope the pace of the book isn't too slow. I hate those types of books. Yes, those are real quotes from the book. I'm obsessed, leave me alone.

Why do you think Dina confessed? Haram police, please chill. Confessions are not haram.

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