The Pokevillains Adventure to Alola

1: Coldstone

Giovanni: you know silver
I think we should go on a family vacation
Silver: what the fuckk,
why
Giovanni: I haven't seen you in so long I think we need some family bonding
Silver: uh huh ok
Gold: if he tries to hurt u I gotchu silv
Giovanni: is that your boyfriend
Silver: no
Giovanni: im gay too son don't worry

they go to alola

Silver: dad who are these people
*giovanni is standing next to literally every team boss*
Giovanni: my gay club
Silver: i cann,oT go places with yo u can I
Giovanni: relax they're friendly
except ghetsis
hes a sex offender
Silver: im leaving
Giovanni: silv
Silver: i thought it was just gonna be u nd me so we could reconnect,,,but then you bring your gay ass old man friends,,wtf am I to you
*silver leaves*
Lysandre: damn man what did you do to him
Giovanni: I left him alone for 10 years cause I was runnin from the police
Faba: runnin in the 90s
Giovanni: *shoots & kills faba*
glad we established that
...
...
Archie: why does your son look like maxie
Maxie: Excuse me.

-

*theyre walking down the boardwalk n it's really muggy outside n ghetsis regrets wearing his circus tent of a uniform*
Lysandre: *in a French accent* can we get some cold stone or smthn I'm hot asf
Giovanni: yah me 2
Giovanni: wait
Giovanni: where the fuck is cyrus
Ghetsis: who's cyrus
Giovanni: did he not introduce himself to yall
Ghetsis: nah
Giovanni: well he's antisocial and APPARENTLY HES FUCKIN SPEEDY WHERE DID HE GO
Lysandre: maybe if we offer him cold stone he'll come back
Giovanni: lysandre if we get ice cream we're not going to white ass cold stone
Lysandre: why
Giovanni: u kno what,,,WHERE IS CYRUS WHERE DID HE gO

*meanwhile, on the beach*

Cynthia: hey cy it's been a while
Cyrus:
Cynthia: how's the therapy going
Cyrus:
Cynthia: I'm assuming not so good
Cyrus:
Cynthia: so why are you in alola?¿ you don't strike me as a vacationy type of person
Cyrus:
Cynthia: and if you did vacation it would probably be to like. nasa or something
Cyrus:
Cynthia:
Cyrus:
Cynthia: u never went to therapy did you
Cyrus:
Giovanni: *over the railing looking down on the beach* THERE HE IS
Lysandre: he's on the beach with a girl wtf of all of us why him,why does he get the girl
Giovanni: mAyBe bEcAUsE hE dOeSnT lOok lIkE a LiOn
Archie: no dude it's his cheekbones
Maxie: Why are we discussing this?
Giovanni: exactly. listen to maxie-mom. Let's go get him

*they roll down the hill to the beach*

Cynthia: are those your friends? yay cyrus! You found some friends!
Cyrus:
Cynthia: u kno
the therapist told me
responding to people
Is a pretty good way
to keep a conversation going
and not just staring
creepily
into their eyes
Cyrus:
Cynthia: why are you like this
Cyrus: I shaved my eyebrows off for a reason
Cynthia: JESUS CHRIST YOU SPOKE
Giovanni: what was that just now?
Cynthia: Cyrus spoke!!
Giovanni: holy hell
make him do it again
Cyrus:
Giovanni: *grabs Cy's cheeks*
speak boy
Cyrus:
Archie: I'm beginning to think the coldstone thing might actually be a good idea
Maxie: Stop bugging him. If he's mute, this is only making him uncomfortable.
Archie: ok mom
Maxie: I'm not your mom. I just have an ounce of decency.
Archie: uh huh
Maxie: Why are you being sarcastic with me?
Archie: because you're talking in COMPLETE SENTENCES
Maxie: do you want me to fucking kill you because I can huh bitch you wanna go im gonna snap your neck then tear your head off and burn all your goddamn blood in a big bloody pit fire and nobody will be there to watch your funeral except me and I'll be laughing because you thought it would be funny to call me mom huh is that how this is shark boy ill fucking kill you
Archie: ...I broke maxie

Giovanni: speak boy
I know you can
I know it might be difficult for you
But you can do it
Cyrus:
Giovanni:
Cyrus:
Giovanni: can you at least tell me what ice cream flavor you want
Cyrus:
Cyrus: mint
Giovanni: *pats head* good boy

*they all head over to coldstone on the boardwalk*

Ghetsis: *hits his head on the door on his way in*
Giovanni: nice
*cyrus is already sitting at a table. how did he do that. did he teleportatio?*
Lysandre: oh, glorious cold stone creamery, your gift cards are all I ask for on Christmas
Giovanni: note to self
Archie: what're you gettin max
Maxie: your fuckin blood
Archie: can you revert back to normal you kinda scare me when you're like this
Maxie: why should I listen to you speedo man
Archie: hey lysandre can you fix maxie
Lysandre: is this like a personality disorder or
Archie: no he just has a lot of pent up anger that he mentally suppresses and if you make him mad he cracks
Lysandre: so he's salty
Maxie: I believe the term is "bitter."
Archie: HES BACK

Giovanni: *eats salted caramel ice cream* what are those idiots talking about
Ghetsis: Don't pay them any mind. They're not real villains, like you and I *wink*
Giovanni: what kind of ice cream you eating
Ghetsis: bacon
Giovanni: you really are a true villain
Cyrus:
Ghetsis: why is this weirdo even here. What did he do that makes him one of us
Giovanni: he destroyed the universe
Ghetsis:
Ghetsis:
Ghetsis: jesus fucking christ
Cyrus: I am god
Ghetsis: *takes ice cream and leaves table*
Giovanni: silent but deadly, you are
Cyrus: I do not speak to plebeians. But you are dripping with malice. I will speak with you
Giovanni: did you just friendzone me
Cyrus:
Cyrus:
Giovanni: or did I just expose you
Cyrus:
Giovanni: you're 20 years too young pal
Cyrus: *blushes*
Giovanni: uh
Cyrus: *slaps self* EMOTIONS ARE A FLAW *leaves*
Giovanni: ok

*all the employees are watching these guys intently. who tf are these guys*
Dia: *works at cold stone for some reason* holy benoodles pearl are you seein this
Pearl: *also works at cold stone* yah,, it's cyrus...and a bunch of other old men
Dia: did cyrus actually find friends
Pearl: I mean, I gUeSs??
Dia: *eats ice scream* dats kewl
Pearl: ...I should probably call the police
Dia: yah you should
Dia: ordering bacon ice cream is illegal
Pearl: no not about that
Dia: y then
Pearl: becausecyrusisacriminalwhodestroyedtheuniverse
Dia:
Dia:
Pearl:
Dia: im not picking up what you're putting down
Pearl:
Dia: *eats ice cream*
Pearl:
Pearl: this could be a tumor
Dia: what's a tumor

*Giovanni overhears them*
Giovanni: o shit boys we gotta scedaddle
we've been found
Ghetsis: real villains don't run
Giovanni: says the person who got arrested
Ghetsis: oof
Lysandre: ok but,,,,
I'm not done
Giovanni: you can bring it with you
Lysandre: it'll melt on me
Giovanni: why are you so PETTY
Maxie: Giovanni, it doesn't seem like they're doing anything risky.
Giovanni: what do you mean
Maxie: They're talking about brain tumors right now.
Archie: doES aNybOdY eVeN kNoW tHeSe kIdS
Lysandre: the kid who took me out had these funky glasses
Archie: our kid wore a sock on their head
Lysandre: guess I'm never going to hoenn
Ghetsis: it doesn't matter. Im gonna go KILL THESE KIDS FOR MAKING FUN OF ME
Giovanni: *shouts* watch out you two the sex offenders coming for you
Dia:
Pearl:
Pearl: GET TF OUT OF OUR COLDSTONE
Ghetsis: *falls out of chair* sHiT
I forgot I oNlY haVe oNe ArM
Pearl: haHhaHah
Dia: don't laugh at old people
Pearl: DIAMOND DO YOU UNDERSTAND OUR SITUATION
Dia: yah we gotta find cyrus and congratulate him for finding friends
Pearl:
Pearl: nO??????
Maxie: *walks up to the boys* Here's $30 for the ice cream. I'm sorry about these guys. We'll leave.
Dia: are you a man or a woman or somewhere in between
Maxie:
Maxie: Do you want the money or not.
Pearl: are you evil too
Maxie: No?
Pearl: you look like a satanist
Maxie: I am.
Pearl: i'll be praying for you on sunday then *takes the money*
Cyrus: *returns from bathroom and spots diamond and pearl*
Cyrus:
Cyrus: *feels a tiny little minuscule amount of anger*
Cyrus: *pushes Maxie aside*
Cyrus: children
Pearl: yup that's me
Dia: hey cyrus I think it's really great you found some friends besides giratina. i mean I guess giratina's cool but human friends are cooler u kno
Cyrus:
Cyrus: giratina is cooler
Dia: ok well,,,
Maxie: Do you guys know each other?
Pearl: we do mr. satan's disciple
Maxie:
Maxie: I'm leaving *scoots on outta there*
Cyrus: You two cannot live any longer
Dia: I know. School starts in a week.
Cyrus:
Pearl: hey diamond do you mind shutting the fuck up
Cyrus: I shall destroy this coldstone
*releases weavile*
destroy it
Weavile: *starts ice beaming everything*
Lysandre: CYRUS WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THE COLDSTONE
Cyrus: liberating it of the illusion we call the soul...you all will be next
Giovanni: you're my favorite Cyrus you know that
Cyrus: Y O U R  E M O T I O N S  A R E  A  F L A W
Giovanni: *laughs* this is so much fun
Maxie: I think I'm getting a migraine.