The Unexpected

The Unexpected(16)

Juliana’s Point Of View:

What can I do? Death was calling my name in a bright tunnel in my dreams and I had my life at the other end begging me to hold on. Then there is me in the middle of it all, in the middle of the wrath, and I have no idea what to do.

I’m tired. Tired of running away from everything that scares me. Tired of fighting with my emotions. I’m done hurting the people I love. I don’t think I deserve to be happy, but everyone else around me does.

If I were to die, I’m not leaving with unsettled business. Alejandro, Jaydon, and everyone deserved to be left in peace. Ariana’s baby needs to have a supporting family.  And although I would give anything to be with Alejandro sometimes it’s best not to have the people we want.

Yes, we might seem perfect in our own heads, but how sure are we that destiny wanted us together? Forever, he will have a place in my heart. A place in my life, and he left a scar in my world. But seeing our life’s spiral into one was nowhere in the picture.

It was time to grow up, to stop playing this stupid game. I’m a grown adult and I have to live with my decisions even if I regret them. Even if to the world it seems like it’s the wrong thing to do.

Jaydon hand was intertwined with mine as he slept peacefully on the edge of my bed. How could I give up being loved by someone who has never caused me harm? Jaydon is my safe-pod and Alejandro is a comfort zone. But my safe pod means so much than a comfort zone.

I have let go of someone for Alejandro already and there is no way in hell I am going to let go of someone else. I tilted my head to the side letting the tears fall down my face.

“Are you okay?” I heard Jaydon whisper. I turned around nodding.

“Yeah. I’m scared.” I laughed nervously before breaking down. “I’m sorry.”

“Juliana…” He wraps his arms around me comforting me. “I’m torn but at the same time I’m relieved. I’m devasted Arianna is dead, but I’m relieved you’re still alive. You helped her bring my niece to this world.”

“I didn’t do enough to save her though.”

He nodded. “You did enough.  Arianna would be grateful-she is grateful.”

“I can’t get rid of this guilt. I can’t get over the idea it should have been me that died.” I cried.

Jaydon took hold of my hand and gave it a light squeeze. “You know, I think if you would have died Alejandro would have gone crazy. He needs his backbone, he needs you.” He responded.

I didn’t say anything. I just stared at Jaydon. “I know Julie that you still love him and I know he still loves you. I know more than I should know. And it would be selfish of me to claim you to myself. To claim you as his isn’t right either. You need to find happiness with whoever you feel is right.”

“Jaydon,”

“No, I understand. I always did. I just hoped I could make a difference you know? But slowly I realized no matter how much I want to have you, I can’t. Sometimes the people we want we can’t have.”