Among Others

Important // 21

I made that picture above because that's currently me.

O O O

"Allura has progressed a lot faster than any of us did", Lance had said, placing a hand over mine but I snatched it away instantly. "She might even unlock powers we don't even know of."

I stood up, my legs failing me and I needed to grip the wall behind me to not fall. It smelled too much like puke, and there was no escaping this horrible smell when everybody blocked the door out of my room. I needed to throw up again. Was this side effects because of all the Jombonia thing? Do you get this dizzy and nauseous after being asleep for this long because of some aliens?

Either way I needed Lance to stop talking because everything he said sent multiple waves of panic through me. Without the red lion, what am I then? If Lance is flying it now, and Allura is flying blue, am I not a paladin anymore? Was it really that easy to change lions? Did Red accept Lance as her pilot without hesitation or was it really - as Lance claims - an emergency and they needed to form Voltron?

So now I'm standing in front of Red, my arms crossed over my chest and my face expressionless, but inside I'm screaming. I know that they're not planning to change who's flying what anytime soon. Maybe never. What Lance said, he must have discreetly wanted to mediate the fact that Allura is the best one to ever pilot a lion, better than everyone.

"You let him be your pilot", I say up to Red and my voice echoes through the big hall. I'm surprised I sound so collected. "I don't know why, but either way, I hope he's treating you well."

"I'm treating her very well, thank you", I hear from behind me and I sigh, looking up at Red that's just standing there, not opening up to me or roaring or something. She's just standing there and that's when I realize I have no chance of ever getting to fly her again.

"If you were in this situation you would understand how much I want you to leave me the hell alone now", I say and grip my hair, tugging at it and exhaling hard.

I feel a hand grip my shoulder and I gasp and turn around, suddenly very close to Lance and looking up to his eyes. Now that I know what his eye color really is - and actually caring what it is - I'm drowned by its deepness. There's a whole story in them, and if I just took my time to read it, I would maybe understand him more.

"I'm not leaving you alone. Not again", Lance mutters and he is close enough so I can feel his warm breath against my face. It smeells like pepper and something really sweet. I have a very hard time to step back. "Leaving you alone is what got us in this situation in the first place."

I finally gather up enough strength to take one step back but I don't think I have anymore strength to do more than this. "But that's good, right? Leaving me alone lead you to discover that Allura is the best one to fly any lion. If I was still here, you wouldn't have discovered it."

"Keith, I..."

"If I leave again, I want none of you to bring me back", I say and hold up my hand when Lance tries to reach for me again. "Because this time you'll know where I am. And this time I'm not in danger."

Lance's face drops and he let's his arm dangle beside him, his eyes turned down like some sad cartoon character. His face looks different after a month and a half. It looks more shadowed, more defined because of the shadows.

"What do you mean, Keith?" Lance worriedly says, his voice quivering. "Do... Do I even want to know what you mean..."

"I may not have thought about it for long, but I know it's better than being here. I have no purpose here anymore." I look up to Red again, only for a second, before looking down at my feet. "As I'm not a paladin anymore, I can't do anything useful here."

"That's not true!" Lance says so loudly and suddenly that I flinch. His face is scrunched in pure anger. He take a big step towards me and grips both my shoulders, looking straight into my eyes. "That's not true, and you know it. Keith, stop with this bullshit now..."

"What is there to do for me here, then!" I shout back and this feels familiar but still not. Us arguing up each other's faces. But this argument is serious. Really serious.

"Coran needs a right hand man, now that Allura is not with him", Lance don't hesitate to say. He's looking at me desperately now. "And your fighting skills... they are to really big use. With those skills you can still fight by our sides."

"I'm sorry to say that your arguments is not good enough", I say and once again I can smell Lance's breath against my face. I never thought I would like it that much. We are still standing too close to each other, and I lower my voice. "What could I possibly help Coran with? Fanning him when he's working intensely? Brush his mustache for him? Just admit it Lance, I'm useless now."

"You're not thinking clear, Keith", Lance says and moves his hands to my arms instead, gripping them hard enough to keep me in place. He wants to make sure I don't leave again. But what he doesn't know is that I still will, but this time he will be fully aware of it. "You're vulnerable and confused. You don't know how to control your feelings and what to do with them." I can feel his thumb digging down into my skin and my red jacket is the only thing kepping his skin from touching mine. "Please just wait and calm down and gather your thoughts. We will figure something out."

"Don't talk like you know how I'm feeling", I warn and snatch my arms away from his grip and he looks down at his hands like they just turned invincible. "And besides, I have already figured something out." Lance looks up at me and it hurts for me to keep talking. I don't know why I'm this collected - or as collected as I can be now -, but it must be because I haven't taken it all in, accepting it to the fullest.

"What..." he starts and his voice just losed its normal energy. There is nothing put into his voice anymore. It sounds hollow.

"I will join the Blade of Marmora", I say and feel it on my tongue, tasting the feeling of how it's like when I say it out loud. It's one thing in my head, but actually saying it? It makes me scrunch up my nose and look to the side, biting my lip. Maybe I should take Lance's words into consideration and listen to him, but there is no time for that. Or no time for that according to me. I want to do something now and think afterwards. It's always been that way.

"Join the Blade of Marmora?!" Lance yells and I gulp, crossing my arms to grip my jacket until my knuckles turn white. I breathe in sharply through my nose and feel it burn everywhere. I'm still sore and very tired, not fully awake yet. But still I'm awake enough to feel all these emotions all at once.
"Have you turned completely crazy, or what? Did the Jomboni's brainwash you in your sleep or something?"

"Lance, that's the only place where I could go to actually do something", I say and start to doubt my own words. It's burning everywhere on my body and I feel a drop of sweat running down my temple and one across the hollow of my back. "And not only fight alongside with them, but also fight with you. We have them by our side, remember? I earned their trust. They would let me join them."

"It's official." Lance throws his arms in the air and looks away, biting his lips like I just did and finger on his arm, constantly tapping his foot on the floor, shaking slightly. "You've gotten crazy."

"I may act crazy often, but now I'm not." My heart is aching. I want to pause everything and just think about what I'm saying right now. Think about my actions and the actions I'm about to do. Am I really ready to leave all of this behind me this quickly? Is all of this too soon? Should I just step back for a moment and examine my thoughts carefully?

"You don't need me anymore", I say slowly. Am I allowed to be this dramatic? Are we making this too dramatic?

"Well, that's where you're wrong. I need you!"

Lance takes a big step towards me, cupping my cheeks and slamming our lips together.

O O O

I feel like I didn't post for a while, but that's just because I post chapters like everyday. Either way, hi again!

This chapter ended interesting, right? ┴┬┴┤( ͡° ͜ʖ├┬┴┬