Morning After

puzzle piece.

It took me a while, I'll be honest.
I never thought how hard it would be to move on, not because of how much I loved you, but because of everything we went through. All the problems, heart aches, pointless arguments, and little joyful moments like watching a movie together, or just eating out and enjoying ourselves. I'll admit, moving on was a difficult thing to surpass. Because at every moment I was alone, I would think of you. I would think of the times when you and I were together and happy. I would think of the times when you would text me good morning, afternoon, and goodnight. I would remember your constant reminders about how much you loved me. About how much you cared for me. Even if I knew that it would just lead me to another set back. I couldn't help it, you know? I'd rather think of the good, rather than the bad. It was a comforting feeling, just reminiscing about our past. And maybe that was the reason why it took me so long to move on. Because I just couldn't find a way to let go of everything we had said and done.

It took me a while, to realize that I wasn't holding on to you, but that I was holding on to the memory, of you. I was grappling on to the ways you used to make me feel. Like those times when you would just look at me, in admiration, and tell me how beautiful I was. To the times when you would surprise me with little gifts, or paragraphs telling me how much you loved and cherished me. It were those moments where I felt happiest, and all of it was because of you. So maybe thats why I continued to hold on. Maybe, just maybe, that's why I tried to convince myself that there would still be another chance. I thought we could overlook the heartbreaking moments, and just focus on the ones that brought us closer together. But I realized I was wrong, I realized that I was only judging you based on our memories together, and not you as a person. So I continued to think it through, and realized that I wasn't missing you, but only the memories of you.

It took me a while, to figure out self worth. I needed to understand that I had to put myself first. That I needed to put my happiness before others.
Because I began to hurt, I began to have this ill feeling that things weren't going alright. And that I had to do something about it, and I had to do it quick. Sure, making others happy made me "happy" as well. But it was different, I was searching for something different. Finding self-love meant, accepting your flaws. From those stretch marks you have on your thighs. Those scars from accidents, falling, or even, the ones you created on your own. To the uneven parts of your body. Self-love isn't just saying "I love myself" a thousand times a day. It was accepting your wrongs. It was realizing your worth and not settling for less. It was so much more than face masks and bubble baths. And I was willing to go through it. I was willing to find self-love, since you weren't able to provide it for me.

And that made me realize, that I could move on. I wasn't stuck on you, I was simply stuck on the fact that you would go out of your way to do these thoughtful gestures, such as buying me food, taking care of me when I was sick, or just even providing reassurance that everything would be okay. And that enlightened me, It enlightened me because I realized how I didn't need you to feel that way. It helped me realize that I didn't need to have you by my side, when I could find that in the comfort of my own home, with my family, and even my friends. I didn't need to worry about being held back, meaning I shouldn't have to feel as if I needed to find you in someone else. That I didn't have to worry about someone not being able to treat me the way that you did.

Because those memories were from you, and you only. I will never be able to experience those moments with anyone else like I did with you. For you are you, and what you did became a part of who I am today.

No, you did not shape me into the person I am today. You did not shape me into the independent, understanding, and loyal person I am today. You basically helped me through the next step in becoming a better person. It's like the saying, "you weren't a mistake, but more of a lesson."

No, I do not regret what I had with you. I most importantly do not regret choosing you. Because if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have learned. I wouldn't have the mindset that I have now. And it all leads up to how you and I ended. In comparison to it all, I was more like a puzzle, and you were just one of the pieces that would help complete me. And for that, I am thankful.

You were my first piece, the first out of plenty, that would help lead my way to completing the puzzle.

You were the first piece, in helping to complete me.