Stuck in Love

Chapter 33

There are secrets that are destined to be revealed in God’s time.

There are things we want to be explained and expounded just to understand how certain events in our life happened.

Although, not all explanations are meant to be given.

There are only those people who choose to divulge their own secrets; while there are also those who choose to keep it.

I think today, on my 26th birthday, is just one perfect timing to learn about something I have been dying to know.

SJ narrates his love-at-first-sight story when we were in first year high school:

“I was in first year high school. I came to class on its third day. I did not know anyone. I felt alone so I sat beside the window and isolated myself from the rest of the class. I did not talk to anyone. The only time I spoke to someone was when I asked for a piece of paper and a ball pen. And then there’s this girl who approached me during break time. She was the first person to talk to me. So brave and friendly of her. She asked if I wanted to join her and her friend for lunch. I was hesitant at first but good thing, I said yes. She introduced herself to me and asked for my name. It was noisy so I bet she didn’t hear my name when I said SJ because I had to repeat it thrice.”

SJ laughs on his own recollection. “I was thinking she must have hearing problems. I bet she thought I was quiet and mysterious because I was not talking much. After eating we went to the covered court and she saw her crush playing badminton. I asked her friend who was that. He said, ‘It’s her crush.’ Then she said, ‘Hindi na, noh.’ While they were arguing, I decided to approach the guy and asked if I could challenge him in badminton. I was not good in sports back then and I was still a little shy. But I wanted to play badminton because I thought the girl had a crush on him for being an athlete. So I wanted to impress her.”

“Why did you want to impress her,” I ask.

“I saw something in her. Something I’ve never seen before. I kind of felt like she was special...and fragile. At mayabang nga ko, ‘di ba.”

“So what happened in the match?”

“I lost to the guy but I gave it to him. And then I told the girl, ‘Tsamba. ‘Di naman siya magaling, eh.’ I kept telling myself it was nothing. Days and months passed. I denied the feeling, the truth that I liked her. Funny that it took me 14 long years to realize that she was already special to me back then. It seemed that I fell in love with her the first time I saw her, the first time she walked to me, and talked to me. She was my first friend in high school and I’ve never really forgotten her all these years.”

“If you think you’ve fallen in love with her at first sight, then why did you not court her?”

“Do you really wanna know?”

I nod.

“She’s too good for me. She did not stand out from the rest of the girls. She was normal, average, and simple. But her fragility…scared me. Because I knew I was no perfect guy and I would only hurt her. And I would never want to do that. I wanted her to always feel safe. So I protected my feelings. We’re better off as friends. In that case, I thought, I could not hurt her but only make her happy…she would laugh at my jokes, get irritated with me every time I would tease her, miss me when I was not around. I got to sing her songs without her knowing it, impress her with my dancing, magpa-cute sa harap niya, pakiligin siya sa mga pasimple kong pang-aasar. I even joined the Folk Dance Troupe to be with her. She was the most friendly, the sweetest, and the most thoughtful girl for me.”

“But you fell in love with Celine. How could you do that? Love two girls at the same time?” I impatiently ask.

“I was thankful to Celine. She was able to set me free from the thoughts of that girl. Well, not truly free but at least I could hide my feelings more. I did love Celine…or I don’t know if it was just infatuation because we were young.”

“But you said I’m not your type,” I suddenly remember. “I mean—she’s not your type. Aish…why do we talk about it in third person? We both know I’m the girl you’re talking about.”

“Hindi naman talaga kita type, eh.”

“Bipolar ka ba? You said you liked me and you’ve fallen in love with me, tapos hindi mo na naman ako type?”

“Because you’re not the typical girl. There’s just something I can’t explain about you. Ginayuma mo yata ako, eh.”

“Kapal naman ng mukha nito. Kung manggagayuma na rin lang ako, ba’t ikaw pa? Pwede naming si Alden Richards o si Dingdong Dantes na lang.”

“Mas gwapo pa ‘ko sa mga ‘yun.”

I scoff.

“Seriously. She meant a lot to me. You meant a lot to me…even when we were in high school. I just could not afford to hurt you so I had to distant myself. That’s when we had different group of friends.”

“What made you realize all of these?”

“The night before I flew back to Manila, two weeks before the reunion, I dreamt of you…out of nowhere. I couldn’t remember what exactly it was about. When I woke up, I suddenly became curious on how you’re doing. I asked my sister to look you up in Facebook. That’s when I found out about the reunion,” he explained.

“So when you chose to dance with me…it was your intention?”

He just smiles. “I wanted to know you again and see if it would spark old feelings. But not everything is intended. When I met you at the bookstore, it was fate. And the rest is history.”

Now everything’s getting clearer. The clarity that I once feared is now the best thing I have come to know and I am grateful for.

I look straight at him and ask, “Why are you telling me this just now?”

“Because I’m ready now. Because this is my second chance and I don’t want to waste it. I don’t want to be scared anymore so I’m taking the challenge to take care of you and do my best not to hurt you again, not anymore.”

Teardrops start to build up around my eyes because of everything I have discovered about him and how he also tried to hide his feelings from me. But they were also tears of joy for knowing that it’s not a one-sided, unrequited love, after all. We were both just scared because we were young and innocent. But not anymore. This love has set us free and maybe, we’re really destined to have it, at this moment, at this time, at this age.

I hold Sandro’s hand and feel its warmth. “Thank you for telling me. You did it just in time. But I want you to know, whether or not you’ve fallen in love with me before, I still fell for you…for who you were back then. And I did it again, for who you are now. I never regret anything.”

Sandro flips my hair at the back of my ear. “I’ve never imagined the last fourteen years to be this worth it.” He touches my face. “Just looking at you now makes me want to stay here forever. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of having this moment over and over. You make me want to be the best man I could ever be for myself and for the woman I love.”

He gives me a worry-free kiss on the forehead and on my lips. We hug each other so tight that we never want to let go.

“So how do I start the courting?”

“Do what nobody else has done before. Start off with my parents.”

He breathes deep. And we laugh to our heart’s content.

 

 

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