Random Snips of My Writing Mind

It Hurt

[SADDEST STORY EVER WRITTEN BY ME please don't cry like I did writing it...

Dedicated to Drdrake37
Not fully edited]

I miss him. His laugh. His smile. He used to joke about it. Said he would if he got anymore homework, or if didn't get on the basketball team. Our dad died before I was born, and when TJ was a really little kid. We only had our mom. But she was always depressed, drunk, or busy doing God knows what. We'd never really relied on her. And she didn't really seem to care about either of us. TJ used to run away from home, being gone for a day or so. Sometimes I'd go with him. We had a special spot on the river that we'd spend all of are time at. TJ was the only person I could talk to. He got bullied a lot at school because he was the "goth kid." He was depressed. I thought he would hurt himself because of it, but he didn't. One time he got a huge gash on his leg that was gushing blood. He just lie down in the grass and let it bleed. I found him before he had lost much, fixing his wounded leg. I was introverted, didn't have anyone but him. He got sadder and sadder. Everyday he was slightly more depressed. He left one day. He was gone for a couple of days. Three, I think. Mom didn't do anything. She said he'd be back. No big deal. Day two I was scared. I called the local police, filed a missing person report. I told them about our spot. They asked me why my mom didn't do anything. I just said she was busy. There was no sign of TJ for another day. I was really hoping he hadn't done something stupid. Day four was when I got the call. Mom was passed out, drunk on the couch. I answered the phone. We found him, they said. He's at the place you told us about. I'm on my way, i had replied. I was so excited to see my brother again. I had begun to worry about him. Being depressed and all, it scared me. When I had gotten to our spot, i became I even more scared. There were cop cars everywhere. I slowed my pace. When i reached the area Everyone was crowded around, i fell to my knees. There he was. Frozen. Ice plastered to almost every inch of his bare skin. His eyes were wide, his left hand was clenched. The EMTs were putting him on the stretcher when i came. Stop, i had yelled. Everyone looked at me. No tears were escaping me. I was mad, sad, upset. Leave him there, i said. I want to bury him here. The cops set him back on the ground. You want some privacy, a man spoke up. I had nodded my head, but I didn't say anything or make eye contact. Slowly everyone filed out. I crawled over to him. Laying my head into his chest, i tried to cry. I'd done everything in my power to cry. I had wanted to. But I couldn't. I pushed his eyelids closed. I love you, i whispered. But i don't want you to see. I put his frozen hands in mine. The winter air didn't help. I'd put his left one in my pocket so it would thaw. I had known something was in there. A few minutes later the head cop guy tapped on my shoulder. He asked me if I wanted to call my mom. Yea, I'd said. He gave me his phone. I dialed the house number. Voicemail was what I got. Hey mom, I'd started. I need you to do me a favor Bring some chips and a blanket. And a shovel. He's gone mom. He left us. And I'm going to take care of him. Bring all of that stuff to our spot please. See you. I hung up, my mind full of the misery of losing him. Why'd you leave me, I'd thought. You left me to fend for myself. I'm all alone now. No friends, no one to talk to, no one. Man i wish you would come back, I thought. The officer had come to retrieve his phone, interrupting my thoughts. Eventually they all left. The cops. I cried as left in the bitter cold with my dead brother in my lap. I had put his head on my legs so i could run my fingers through his hair. His hand had thawed out enough that i cold pry his fingers open. He had a small bag in it. I tore it open, my sadness washing over me. A small ring, and a piece of paper was in it. I cried when i read the note. Alex, he'd written. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done what I did. I left you. But I can't undo it. I couldn't handle it. It was like million pound weights were on my shoulders everyday. It was hard. I had to get out. Just promise me something. While I'm gone, don't forget me. I got you the ring as a reminder of how much I love you. But don't feel bad for me. Don't mourn me when I'm gone. Just know that I'm out of my misery. I love you. And you can do it. I don't want you to be lonely. Make this an opportunity to change. To make friends. Find someone. You can do it.I believe i you, even if you don't believe i yourself. See you on the other side sis. I love you with all my heart. See ya, TJ your big bro. I had bawled my eyes out for what had seem like forever at that point. I already missed him. Losing someone isn't as easy as you'd think. Especially when its the only person you had left. My mom had shown up with a shovel and a blanket. She had dark sunglasses on, and a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. She plopped the stuff down, and sat next to me. I was a great mom, she said sarcastically. I'm really sorry Al. She'd leaned her head on my shoulder at that point.After a few hours, she had left. I got up and started digging. The blanket was wrapped around my shoulders by the time I had finished.It had been hard. Moving him. Once i got him in the hole, i kissed his forehead, cried a little, then started putting the dirt over him.  I heard footsteps behind me, which had made me stop. It was a blonde boy. I didn't know his name, but i recognized him form school. Hey, he said. I heard... about him. I'm sor I cut him off. I don't want your condolences. It wont help. He can't be brought back. Tera stared filling my eyes. The boy walked towards me and embraced me. Being in a vulnerable state, i hugged him back. I'd cried into his shoulder. He wasn't the same as my brother, but his presence had made me feel slightly better. Is this what you meant TJ, i thought. The boy pulled away from me. I'm Trey, he said. Alex, i mumbled. He meant. Lot to you didn't he ? Ive seen you two around a lot. You seemed close, he said. I bit my lip. You should go, I whispered. Please. The tears started falling again. Trey stared at me. Ok. But, if you ever need it, I live two houses down from you. You can swing by if you want He looked at me one more time and then left. After a while i had left. I needed some sleep. After that i didn't eat, sleep, drink, anything for three weeks straight. My mom tried a few times to make me feel better, but nothing did. I had his ring hanging from a chain around my neck. His note lived in my pocket. I made up my mind one day. I wanted to go see that boy. He made me feels little better that terrible day. His words, two doors down, had rung through my mind in that instance. I'd left, off to his house, that day. The winter air had stung as soon as i stepped outside. I knocked on his door. He answered luckily. When he'd seen me, he was shocked. Impulsively, i wrapped my arms around his neck and cried. He pulled me into his house. I hadn't cried at all in the past three weeks, and it was all falling out. I'm sorry, i cried into his neck. Don't be, he replied simply. It was then that i had known he'd be the one I needed. It was then, that i knew I could let go of TJ, and live my life.