One Day At A Time

3

After saying all of this out loud, I realize how stupid I sound. I'm sitting here complaining about how my friends are ignoring me. Once again, I felt stupid for being here.

"Unfortunately, we're out of time. So now that you've given me background on everything, next time we will actually talk about them in depth. Sound good?" he asks and I oblige. 

--

Phil gave me a card with his number and email on it as well as another card with my next appointment on it. I wave goodbye to Ann, the secretary, before exiting the building. The late October air sends chills down my arms. I didn't know what to do now. I had set aside my entire afternoon for this appointment. I figured it would put me in a mood and I would want to lock myself in my dorm room all day. Instead, I felt... lighter? It felt good to finally have a confidant that didn't have a bias. 

I decide to head to the Student Union Building to grab some lunch instead of going back to dorm. I've been avoiding going to my room as much as possible lately, especially since Blake and Sam have been so weird. Things were perfect with our little group until so recently. I was too nervous to bring it up, though. 

I walk with my head down into the SUB towards Chic Fil A. I quickly grab a sandwich and fries off the heater and go to pay for it. I was hoping that my favorite table in the HUB was free. I walk out of the cafeteria and into the HUB. The HUB was a room in which all different kinds of activities could ensue. There was a black Grand Piano in the back corner of the room. There were wall length windows every five or so feet, and in front of every window was a tall table. I quickly walk over to a table in front of the window. I loved these seats because I could people watch. People watching was one of my favorite pastimes. And I could watch Bollywood movies on my laptop with my back to the wall, that way no one could creep over my screen. 

I take a seat and glance around the large room. It wasn't too loud but it definitely was not quiet. A student was softly playing the piano, and upstairs on the mezzanine, a class group was meeting and laughing. All the couches and chairs were either purple or grey, the university colors. A picture of Harry Truman could be found above the fire place next to the piano. 

The SUB Hub was one of my favorite places to be on campus. The library is always too stressful. I really only go there if I know I'll be studying after midnight, since the SUB closes at 11. The Sub was just overall comfortable. Not only is there a piano and a fireplace, but there were many different food options and many different seating arrangements for comfortability. It may not be the best place to study since it was so loud, but I liked the laid back environment of the building. 

Once my sandwich and fries were done, I figured I had avoided my room long enough. I had to go back there to grab my books anyway, and since I needed to grab my books, why not just study at my desk? I take the long way back to my dorm. I go around the Sub and pass building after building until I make it to Rand Hall. The walk went by too quickly. I almost decided to take the walk again, but one can only look at dead leaves and student's loss of motivation for so long. 

The stairs up to the fourth floor would never be easy, but I also vowed to never take the elevator, unless I was drunk, which seemed to be happening a lot more recently. Once I get to the fourth of five floors, I walk down the long green hallway and into my room. There my roommate lays, on the ground. She never really left the room. She either is laying in bed, or laying on the floor. I once asked why she moves from the bed to the floor and was met with a snappy response, which was seemingly becoming the usual, so I dropped it. 

I keep the lights off and turn on my desk lamp so I can study without disturbing Maddie. I always find myself doing things not to disturb Maddie a lot these days. But she doesn't seem to be doing the same. Her classes are at 7:30 am while mine are later in the mornings. The days that she does decide to go to them (which isn't very often), she makes sure the whole hallway knows that she is getting ready for class. 

The first week I had offered her to use my small make up mirror until she can acquire her own. But now it's November and I still hear her grabbing my mirror and knocking over half the things on my desk at an ungodly time of the morning. But I say nothing, because I would rather not have confrontation with someone who spits out hateful things even when "joking." 

I pull out my American Government book and a highlighter, ready to highlight the important notes in the book. American government was my least favorite class. I would like it more if I had a better professor, but my professor is intimidating and plays favorites, and I'm not one of them.

It feels like I'm staring at the same page for four hours by the time that Maddie gets up off the floor. She throws her blanket back up on her bed and straightens her shirt. 

"I'm going to dinner." she tells me. I nod and continue reading. She sighs and slams the door behind her. I never win with her. I don't even do anything and I always feel like I'm losing. She hates when I drink but then encourages me to have a drink here and there. She loves to see me drunk, but then hates when I come back to the dorm after drinking. She wants us to hang out more, but then wants to eat dinner alone. She wants me to open up to her more, but she sleeps all day and plays video games when I actually want to talk. I never win. 

I try to pull myself out of my near-hateful thoughts but a knocking on the door does it for me. I close my book and look through the peephole. Rachel was standing on the other side of the door in my clothes. I had been looking for my only green sweater for days, and there it is, laying on Rachel's shoulders. 

I open the door and she walks inside and takes the spot on the floor that was previously held by Maddie. I sit at my desk again and wait for Rachel to speak. I take a breath and get an instant whiff of weed. Rachel had obviously just come back from smoking in her car. I always ask her to never smoke in my clothes, but here she was, sitting in my green sweater that would now be stained with the smell of marijuana. I try to brush it off but all the different things I was brushing off from both Rachel and Maddie were starting to build up. 

"SUB for dinner?" Rachel finally asks.

"I just had lunch not too long ago, but you go ahead." I say with a smile. 

"We always get dinner together though?" she asks with a frown on her face. 

"Yeah, sorry. I got out of therapy and then ate a big lunch. If you wait another like hour and a half, we can get dinner then?" I ask her. 

"Sure. How was therapy? Did you tell him about the boys?" Rachel says. 

I flinch at the mention of Blake and Sam. I'm still so sad about the lack of communication, but I also didn't want to mope around and be a burden about this. 

"Yes. We didn't get to analyze anything today. I just gave him background on why I came. I have another appointment in two weeks." I say after checking the card again. 

"Nice! I'm proud of you for going, Reena. This is a really big step." she says and gets up to hug me. I smile and hug her back. Rachel may piss me off sometimes, but she was also a really good friend. I was starting to feel closer to her than to Maddie recently, and for some reason I was feeling guilty about it. I know that Maddie has noticed that I've been with Rachel a lot lately, but we always invite her. We've never excluded her. She's always welcome to come, and if she doesn't want to, it's not our fault. 

"Thank you for being so supportive." I say with a smile.

"Always." she says and squeezes me again. "Now why don't you get some more work done and then meet me in the sub in an hour for dinner, sound good?" she asks. 

I nod and she lets herself out of my room. I get back to my American Government book and continue to highlight different notes after referring to the study guide for our upcoming exam.