Handsome and the Hideous

Chapter 17

It hurt. It hurt so much that all I could do was lay in bed and think about how dumb I was. I had known Cody could never fall for me. I knew he was too good for me. But, I had hoped that somehow, magically, he would have ignored the way I looked and loved me. I was an idiot.

Staring up at my ceiling, I didn't know what to do. I had been avoiding Cody by hiding in my room. My thoughts were drowning me however, making me feel ashamed and dumb, but nothing I did would make me forget about what happened. My mind had a habit of being stuck on negative events in my life.

Suddenly, someone knocked on my bedroom door. My heart dropped because I knew it was Cody. No one else was in the mansion, which left me freezing. Only a day had passed and I wasn't ready to see him. Not when I felt like crying at the mere thought of Cody not reciprocating my feelings.

"Came I come in?" Cody asked when I didn't answer.

"No," I said, knowing I couldn't face him.

"Please Charlotte. I need to talk to you."

"Fine."

Cody opened the door and he stepped in. When he looked at me, he looked pained. He looked sad and I wondered why. He led me on and broke my heart, so he didn't have the right to be hurt.

"Charlotte, I never meant to hurt you," Cody said, his voice soft. "I'm sorry I can't reciprocate your feelings. You're my friend and... I don't want things to get awkward between us. Don't you think being friends is for the best?"

"Then why did you act the way you did if you felt nothing for me?" I demanded. "Why lead me on?"

"Lead you on?" His eyes widened. "What are you talking about?"

A surge of anger filled me, seeing how clueless Cody was. What hurt the most was how Cody had given me so much hope. From the way he was behaving, he had given me false hope and that was what crushed me in the end.

"You were always touching me!" I exclaimed, frustrated. "You were always complimenting me, saying how happy I made you and whatnot. You don't say stuff like that to people you feel nothing for. You... you gave me hope that I was the girl you liked."

Cody seemed stunned and for a moment, he just stared at me, unable to say a word. I stared back, tears filling my eyes because I knew the only thing stopping us from being together was the way I looked. If Cody could love my personality so much, it had be because I was hideous that he could only think of me as a friend.

"I'm sorry Charlotte, but I did those things because we're friends. I really do like you, but just as a friend," Cody said, sighing.

"Friends don't flirt," I mumbled, annoyed.

"So being nice to you means I'm flirting?" Cody demanded, growing annoyed. "All I did was treat you kindly. It's my personality to compliment and touch people the way I did to you."

I stared at Cody, unable to speak because he was right. Cody had been nice to me. He was nice to everyone and it meant nothing. I had been naive enough to assume that just because he treated me so kindly that he liked me, which left me feeling even dumber. A tear slipped down my face as I realized I had hoped Cody liked me so much that I had tried to assume his actions meant he was flirting with me.

"Then who's the girl you like?" I asked, my voice breaking. "At least tell me that."

"I... I made that up so Evelyn would leave me alone," Cody said, looking pained at the sight of me crying. "I'm so sorry Charlotte. I-"

"Please leave," I cut in. "I want to be alone."

To my surprise, Cody obeyed. He nodded and turned around, and without a word he walked off, closing the door behind me. I began to sob then, hating myself for being so naive. Cody had been nothing but nice to me and I had naively assumed that meant he liked me.

Feeling like I was suffocating, I got up and realized I couldn't be in the mansion at that moment. I needed to breathe, so I called a taxi and let it take me to town.

*****

I was walking down the street, staring down at the ground. I didn't want anyone to see me because I wasn't in the mood to be judged. After everything, I also didn't want to be reminded that I was hideous.

But with that thought in my mind, I couldn't help but begin to think about the way I looked. I thought about everything that had gone wrong in my life simply because I was hideous, and my throat constricted. Stopping in my spot, I couldn't help but suddenly hate myself. I hated how my face was ruining my life.

Tears filled my eyes and not wanting to cry in public, I ran into a small alleyway. There was a glass wall and tiredly, I pressed my hands against the glass and peered into it. What I saw was my reflection in the glass and for a moment, I stared at myself. I stared at my hideous face and began to scowl as I knew it had ruined everything. If I wasn't hideous, my life would be so much different. So much better, actually.

The thought broke my heart and I began to sob once again. My shoulders were heaving and tears ran down my cheeks as I stared at my reflection. I hated what I saw, but I also hated how pathetic I was. I was sobbing over something so small, so vain, and it made me feel worse about myself. Other than being ugly, I had everything, but yet I was so miserable. I hated the idea and I fell to my knees, wishing to disappear.

Although my problems felt vain, I knew I had every right to feel the way I did. After years of people staring, of people commenting, and of people treating me differently, I knew being hideous did affect lives. In a society that values beauty so much, being hideous meant a harder life. And with a harder life, meant more pain. Crying harder, I realized I was tired of the pain and I began to wonder when it would all end.