Handsome and the Hideous

Chapter 22

The next few days after the hitmen were arrested were hectic. Cody and I were thrown into a world of meeting policemen, being chased by interviewers, and having the townspeople want to help us out. It was overwhelming because I hated being social. I hated any opportunity where people got to see my face. All I wanted to do was lay in bed and forget about everything, but I couldn't. I couldn't even be alone for more than a few hours.

The only good thing about everything was Cody. He was always at my side. His hand was always in mine, being the source of comfort I needed. Although I wished Cody had never been thrown into my situation, I was glad I wasn't alone.

Cody and I were sitting on a couch of the hotel room we lived in, flipping through channels on the tv. We sat next to each other, our shoulders brushing, and I looked at Cody. Thinking about the kiss we shared, I felt like it had been a dream. Having someone as beautiful as Cody want me was too good to be true. But as he put his arm around me, his eyes still glued to the tv, I smiled. Cody was mine.

Cody stopped flipping through channels when he reached the news channel. My face soon appeared on the screen and I cringed, remembering how I let myself be interviewed after having an interviewer follow Cody and I for an hour. At the sight of my face, I felt uneasy, realizing thousands of people would be forced to see it.

Listening to the interview, I took in how much I shook as the interviewer asked questions. I seemed uneasy, my face pale, and my hands trembling. Cody was in the background, watching me, and I watched as he smirked when the interviewer mentioned my dad had been arrested. Cody hated my dad and he wanted nothing more than to have him rot in jail.

"The court trial will be held in two weeks," Cody said, bringing my attention to him. "We'll get our justice soon."

My heart dropped at his words and I froze, wishing he hadn't brought up the trial. I didn't want to think about it. Not when the idea of speaking in front of hundreds of people made me nauseous.

"Charlotte?" Cody said, looking down at me, frowning.

"I don't want to go to court," I blurted out. "Cody... I can't."

Cody stiffened next to me, leaving my heart pounding against my chest. He didn't say anything for an agonizing minute, which left me moving away form him. I turned to face him and he looked at me, seeming confused.

"Why?" Cody asked. "Don't you want justice?"

"I do," I said helplessly. "But I can't. I don't want to go to court and have everyone's eyes on me. I don't want to be judged because of the way I look."

"Who cares about that." Cody frowned. "Your dad needs to rot in jail for what he did to you. That's what matters."

"But I can't do it, Cody. The thought of it makes me sick. The idea of it makes me want to run away and never come back."

"Suck it up, Charlotte. I don't know why you're so insecure... It's just one day."

His words struck me and I moved back, stunned. Before I could restrain myself, I felt a fury rise within me. I felt an anger and bitterness that left me spewing what I had always wanted to say.

"You don't understand!" I exclaimed. "You will never understand what it's like to have people constantly stare at you with judging eyes. You will never understand what it's like to have people talk behind your back whenever they see you. You will never understand what it's like to be so ugly your own dad wants to murder you. You... You don't understand, Cody."

I was gasping at the end of my rant, on the verge of tears. All those thoughts had been consuming my mind for the past few weeks. As I kept thinking about the way my dad hated me for being hideous, I realized how horrible it was to be me. I had realized I was better off not being born.

"Charlotte... I know people are cruel, but you can't let them get to you," Cody said softly. "You can't let them win."

"You still don't understand," I said, tearing up. "I've spent twenty years of my life staying strong. I told myself things will get better, that one day I will be happy, but that never came true. I... I hate myself Cody. How can I not when my own dad can't even love me?"

Cody looked pained by my words. He moved towards me, his hands reaching for me, and I shook my head vigorously. I didn't want to be touched. I didn't want anyone near me.

"I'm sorry," Cody said, sincere. "You're right, I don't understand. I don't-"

"You should have known that before you told me to suck it up," I cut in. "You reminded me why I never talked about how I feel. People will always think my problems are insignificant, but they aren't. Sure people have it worse, but that doesn't matter."

I got off of the couch, wanting to be away from Cody. My heart ached and my body was drained. I hated my dad for forcing me to change my life. I hated how he took everything from me, even the guy who I thought I could finally love.

"Charlotte, I'm really sorry," Cody said, getting up as well. "I messed up. I just really want justice for you and I said something cruel. I'm sorry."

I shook my head, unable to forgive him yet. I was in pain and nothing could make it better. Not even Cody, who had been my source of comfort through everything.

"I want to be alone," I said quietly. "Please let me be alone."

Cody nodded, his eyes sad. He sat back down and I turned around and walked to the bedroom we shared. I fell onto the bed and laid there, thinking about everything. I thought about how I wouldn't go to court and falling asleep, I realized it was for the best. There was no way I'd be able to stand in front of hundreds of people.