The Pieces Left

Chapter 7

I left his apartment the same person but with new ideas. I pulled out my phone and saw Beckett had texted me. Fuck. I shoved it back in my pocket. I then got on the subway to go back to our hotel. Jimmy and I had agreed to meet back up tonight. I was supposed to break things up with Beckett. I just don't know how. I sat down on the subway. I went back and forth with what to say to Beckett. He is the sweetest person I know, I can't believe I was about to break his heart again. I wasn't happy, though. I can't do it anymore. My phone rang. It was Beckett. I silenced it and pushed it back in my pocket. He's probably wondering where I am. He shouldn't be. Was I really ready to completely change my life? I guess so. I know so. I have been in love with Jimmy since day 1, but nobody else has. My mom hates him, Kennedy has forgotten him, my dad wants to kill him, and the nation is sick of him. All I want is him. Unexposed and real. I want what I want. My phone rang again. When I got off the subway, I quickly walked to our hotel. So many thoughts raced through my mind. When I opened the door, Beckett was standing there. He had small tears in his eyes. "Babe?" I accidentally asked. "You were with him" he said. I stood there frozen. This came quicker than I thought. His eyes were wet and his face looked sad. "Beckett....what are you saying" I asked hesitantly. He got up from the bed and scoffed. "Cut the shit, Stevie. You were with him. You were with the guy that you've been in love with since forever. You lied to me. You lied about everything! These last five years are all a fucking lie!" He yelled. His hands were in fists. "Beckett.." I said. "No! I took a vow, so did you. You broke the vows and fucked that asshole! How could you?! I am such an idiot, after our wedding night, I forgave you and really believed that you were sorry! How stupid could I be?!" He yelled. I sat my bag down and walked towards him. "Beckett please let me explain" I said. "You don't need to explain anything! You are in love with a guy that totally fucked you over! God, I'm so stupid" he said as he picked up his suitcase. I stood there speechless. "What is your mom gonna think?! My parents?! The world?! Jesus, fuck you!" He said passionately. I just stood there, unable to move. "I loved you, Stevie. I really loved you. Obviously more than you loved me. I wanted to settle down with you! I wanted a family with you, but you didn't want that" he said as he zipped the last zipper on his suitcase. "Please listen" I finally said. "No! You don't want to be with me, just say it" he said. "Beckett....I love you. I love you so much, I married you. But I've never loved you like...'that'. You were there for me at a time when I needed you and I thank you for that, but I don't love you like that. I'm so sorry marrying you, I thought that marriage would make everything okay, help me move on. But it didn't." I said softly. He stood in the doorway; he in the hallway, his suitcase still on threshold. "How could you do this?" He asked. "I'm sorry" I weeped. "Goodbye, Stevie. I'll send the divorce papers when I get back. I want you to get your shit out of my house and I never wanna see you again. I'll be calling my mother to help clean everything out." He said firmly. "Where are you gonna put my stuff?" I asked. "I don't know...maybe in the street" he said annoyed. I scoffed. "I'll call your mom, I can ship it to her place" he then said in a more sweet tone. He then pulled the suitcase past the threshold and the door closed. Just like that, he was gone. A giant chapter of my life was over, but a new one was starting. One that I have written over and over again. Beckett did save me, but I could only be saved for so long. I do feel terrible for hurting him like that, but I'm messed up. He is right about everything, but if Beckett is what's right, I wanna be wrong.

After about 20 minutes of waiting for Beckett to come back, he didn't. I picked up my phone and called Jimmy. "Stevie?" He asked when he picked up. "I don't know what I just did" I said. I looked out the window and searched for Beckett. "What do you mean?" He asked. "I just broke up with my husband" I said. A small smile spread across my face. "What?!" Jimmy asked. My smile got bigger and I let out a giggle. "I just broke up with Beckett" I said. I then started laughing uncontrollably. "Stevie?" He asked over the line. I felt tears forming in my eyes and I laughed. "I'm sorry! It's just so funny" I said as I kept laughing. "Okay, well do you want me to come pick you up?" He asked. "Yeah" I laughed. "Calm down, girl" he said and then hung up. I kept laughing. I then started to cry. My laughed turned into sniffles and then to crying. I sat on the bed and cried. Beckett was gone. Gone forever. There was no going back. I broke his heart for the millionth time. I felt awful. I went into the bathroom to wipe my face and saw his wedding ring sitting by the sink. I stared at it. It stared at me. I picked it up and then held it close. I cried harder. Was this really what I wanted? I then sat it down and wiped my face. I started packing. When I was finished, I went back into the bathroom and picked up the ring. I put it in my pocket.