The Pieces Left

Chapter 6

I gazed in Jimmy's eyes. They represented a home to me. He gazed into mine and smiled. The white sheets tingled on my skin. "Where have you been?" I asked him. "Here, all along....hoping that you would come back" he said. I felt a sting of regret, I had just cheated on my husband. I closed my eyes. "What's wrong?" He asked. "I shouldn't be here" I said. I opened my eyes and looked at him. "But you are" he said back as he pushed my hair away from my face. "I know" I said softly. "James?" I asked. "Yes?" He replied. "Why did you get involved with that girl?" I asked. "Salem? I don't know....I was just trying to find you. I shouldn't have tried to." He said. I suddenly felt angry. I felt as if I had been cheated on but I was the one cheating. "But why her?" I asked. "She was there. Wrong place at the wrong time.....she was there when I needed someone. It was wrong..." he said. He looked away. I stared at him. "What are you going to do?" I asked. He shrugged. "I don't know......she is very mature but she wants this baby and she wants me to support her" he said. "Do you love her?" I asked hesitantly. He hesitated. My heart broke a little. "I don't think I ever loved her. Like I said she was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I care about her, though. I really care about her, she's insanely smart and really had a future, but I don't know now." He said softly. Him talking so highly of her hurt me. It hurt me in a way it shouldn't. "Beckett is probably wondering where I am" I said as I sat up. "You're leaving?" He asked incredulously. "Yes.....I am leaving" I said. "No, stay and I don't know talk for a while" he said as he sat up. "I need to leave.....this can't happen again" I said. "Stevie.....you can't just run off when you get too close. It happened, we happened. I want you to stay so stay" he said. "I don't wanna be your side bitch to her." I finally said. "Oh my god, Stevie. Why are you like this? It's like you won't let anyone get close to you or care about you. You do one thing but think another. I love you, Stevie....I have been in love with you for years. I want you and only you" he pleaded. "Salem. What about her? Why'd you fuck her, then?! What is she to you? Huh? Just a little girl you could screw in replacement?!" I screamed. "Stop! Salem has nothing to do you you!" He said. "Really? Then why'd you tell me about her?!" I said back. "Because I just want to tell you everything! I love you" he said. I ran my hands through my hair in desperation. "What are you so afraid of?" He asked. "You! I'm scared of you and want you do to me! I can't forget you or even just be friends with you! You fucked me up! I'm scared of what my mom and the media will think if we were to date again. I can't break my husbands heart.....not again. I don't wanna be a Salem. I don't wanna be anything to you" I said. "I need to leave" I said as opened the door. "You don't wanna break your husband's heart?! Why are you here then?! You just cheated on your husband! You just had an affair! You wanna talk about 'breaking hearts' shut the fuck up! Stevie, just admit it, you never did and never will love Beckett. You love me and you always will." He said in a dominant tone. For the first time, I felt like a child to him. He spoke the truth. "We can start over.....we can be together" he said as he put his hand on the door. "But....but Beckett" I sobbed. "Divorce him. Do it now before you get deeper." He said in a soft tone. A million thought raced through my head. "My mom.." I added. "Stop thinking. Stop thinking and let it happen." He said as he put his hand on my shoulder. "Your life...your show" I said. "I told you. I didn't have much time left anyways" he said. I hovered for a while. "No....it would be a disaster" I said. "A little disaster never hurt anyone" he joked. I rolled my eyes. "It's gonna hurt everybody" I said. "Stevie, it will work. We can work" he said. "I don't wanna hurt Beckett. He's been so good to me for these past years. He doesn't deserve this" I said almost at a whisper. "It's a little too late for that" Jimmy said. I sat there for a minute. "It was too late for that the night of your wedding" he added. He was right. It took Beckett a year to finally look at me the same. I broke his heart that night. "I don't know" I said. "You do know, Stevie" he said. I shut the door and looked at him. We were maybe 6 inches apart. "I love you" I finally said. "Then let it happen" he said back. "What am I supposed to tell Beckett?" I asked. He sighed. "The truth" he said. I looked away to keep from crying. My life was an absolute mess. "What about Salem? What are you gonna do about her?" I asked. "Child support....help her when she needs it. I can't just abandon her." He said. I sighed in annoyance. I hated that he had done that to her. She's in love with him and he just used her. It's fucked up. "I don't want her in our business" I said. "She won't be..." he replied. "You can go back to college, become something that you wanted to. And be with me." He added. I looked up at him. He just promised me the life I have always wanted. I was sold.