(Old Version) Hopelessly Heroic

four

On my day off, I filled a thermos with tea and brought a book to the pond near my house. It was a peaceful place that I went to sometimes when I wanted to be alone, but not isolated. There were normally a few people milling around, but it was never too crowded.

I sat on a bench near two teenage girls who were cross-legged on the grass feeding ducks. I sipped my tea and got lost in my book. My intent was to finish it before going back home, where I'd call my mom and try not to roll the eyes straight out of my head during our conversation.

Half an hour into the book, however, I was distracted by the girls. They weren't being loud or annoying, but my desperate brain had heard them say flamethrower, and now it wouldn't let me stop listening. I kept my eyes on the page in front of me, but I didn't read a single word.

"...obviously still together."

"I mean, maybe, but she's been gone for years."

"You really think Flamethrower would be so tame still if they weren't together? No way."

"Sure, but what if Tide became a villain instead? That's way more likely than a villain converting to a hero. The police would never trust an ex-villain to start saving people, but anybody can become bad. Plus, Rebel popped out of nowhere just a few months after Tide disappeared."

"Okay? But Rebel and Flame are never in the same area. Why would Tide become a villain unless it was to be with Flame? That literally makes no sense."

"Okay."

"All I'm trying to say, whether Tide became a villain or just disappeared, is that they're still together. Somebody is keeping Flame tame, and I have a hard time believing she'd be with anybody else."

"Why? Nobody reports on her personal life. If she was seeing someone, we'd never know. We only knew about Tide and Flame because they were supposed to be enemies. If they were dating regular people, it would be in their own time, not in costume, so we wouldn't hear about it."

"Why would you risk your life and credibility dating someone on the other side if it wasn't going to be forever? You don't make a decision that big just to break up a few weeks later. No way."

"Agree to disagree."

"Okay."

"Although, Tamethrower fanfics are pretty good."

"Tamethrower is absolutely not their ship name."

I stood up abruptly, dropping my book and thermos in the process, causing the ducks to scatter away from the girls. Their conversation cut off immediately and they both looked at me. Shaking, I bent down to pick my stuff up, mumbling an apology.

As I left, I heard one of them mention that I looked a little like Tide.

Something about hearing people discuss my life so openly shook me up. They had their own theories. They had an entire different life for me living in their heads. And fanfiction? People wrote fanfiction about me and Willow? Did the news talk about us like that? Did people still wonder where I went? Did people actually care?

I knew Willow was always in the news, which is why I avoided it, but I never considered that I might still be mentioned every so often. How many people lived their lives thinking that I switched sides and became Rebel? How many people thought I was dead? How many people thought I followed Willow from city to city, staying in the shadows? How many people believed we were still together? How many people believed we should be? Was Willow one of them? Was I?

*

I forced myself not to look up the fanfiction. I thought it might be a step too far. But I didn't turn the news off when I went to work the next day. Ava's eyebrows shot up, and she moved toward the Tv questionably, but I waved her off. I pretended I wasn't listening, but she could tell I was by the way I hovered in the doorway and refused to leave the kitchen unless I had to, even though I was working cash.

Eventually, she just shoved past me and started serving customers, leaving her half-made mixture on the counter for me to finish. I worked solely through muscle memory. My eyes stayed locked on the screen.

They didn't run a segment on Willow until the last hour of my shift. I had spent the entire day watching news that I didn't care about at all, just waiting for her name to be mentioned. When it was, I stopped baking completely. My body moved me closer to the Tv, hitting the button to turn the volume up.

"Police say The Flamethrower might be staying longer than we initially thought, as they suspect she has a hideout somewhere in the city. They haven't released many details on the subject, simply stating that her crimes are more organized and thought out as of late. The Flamethrower is known to move around, never staying in one city for more than a few months, but she returns to our area quite often. Police were quick to reassure the public in a press meeting on Thursday, saying that we shouldn't expect a rise in crime. The general public are never the Flamethrower's target, as she seems to only attack people she thinks deserve it, such as thieves or other criminals that haven't yet been caught, or people with a link to her. Just two days ago, she burned down the site where a local newspaper is published after discovering that they were planning on running a story about her personal life."

"Looks like we might have to up our security. Thanks for that, Andrea. Today's forecast..."

I tuned out, processing what I had heard. The girls at the pond were right. Willow was being tame. But clearly I wasn't the one influencing her. Suddenly, I felt nauseated. The thought of Willow being with someone else had never crossed my mind. I had never even considered dating anyone else, and for some reason, I thought she'd be the same way. It was probably that hope that was still hiding deep down inside me.

All of my fantasies about seeing her and living happily ever after crumbled right before me. She was happy with someone else. She was happy without me.