(Old Version) Hopelessly Heroic

eight

I stayed in bed the entire day, just thinking about what happened. 

After years of fantasizing about the moment I met Willow again, I wasn't exactly shocked that it didn't pan out the way I wanted it to. I was always hoping for the best, thinking the universe owed me for my time spent as a Hero, and it rarely ever gave me what I wanted. I was hopeless. I always ended up letting myself down, but I kept thinking good things would happen. Truly, hopeless.

My phone rang. I expected it to be Ava, ready to yell at me after watching the security footage of what happened, but it was my mom. I answered.

"Hello,"

"Hey, honey, how are you?" She asked, but continued talking before I could answer, "I was just wondering if there was any way to freeze water faster? I need ice cubes for a little party I'm having tonight, and I forgot I didn't have any. I've only got forty-five minutes."

"I don't know, Mom, I'm not an expert on all things water."

There was a short pause. 

"What's wrong?" She said, which surprised me.

"Nothing." I said. She stayed quiet for too long, so I continued. "I ran into Willow."

"What?"

I sighed, running a hand through my hair and sitting up in bed. "Yeah. She came into my work and then we-"

"No, no, that's not what I meant," She interrupted, sounding confused. "I thought you were with Willow."

"What? With her?"

She laughed a little, "Well, yeah. I thought...I thought you quit being a Hero to become Rebel."

My jaw dropped. I pulled the phone away from my face to stare at the screen as if my mother could see the look I was sending her.

"You thought I became a Villain to be with Willow? You think that's why I moved away?"

I could practically hear her shrug, not seeing the issue. "Yeah. You seemed to really like her."

There were so many things wrong with what she was saying. I was a Hero, I had always been a Hero. How could she think I would switch sides just to be with someone? My mind jumped back to the day at the park when I overheard those two girls talking, and one of them shared the same theory as my mom. Did everyone think I became evil to be with Willow? Were they all okay with it? Should I have done that? Was it a test of my feelings for her that I didn't?

Maybe I didn't like Willow as much as I thought I did. Maybe I was more interested in the idea. Maybe I was intrigued by the cliche of the Hero and the Villain. Maybe Willow as a person had nothing to do with it, maybe I just liked her character. Maybe I just liked her design. Maybe I spent the last few years of my life deceiving myself. Maybe I was just bored.

I hung the phone up. I couldn't think of anything to say.

It rang again. This time, it was Ava.

"Hello," I said flatly.

"You need to come in. Now." She sounded mad.

I wanted to say no and continue rotting away in bed, but I knew I couldn't. Ava was my manager, not my friend. Saying no to her could cost me my job, especially when she sounded so stern.

*

"I watched the video." She said after pulling me into the backroom. There was a part-time employee who I barely crossed paths with watching cash. He wouldn't look at me when I walked by.

I took a deep breath. "Okay."

She studied me for a moment. "I want you to watch it."

So I sat in her computer chair while she set up the video, struggling to make it full screen. She swore a few times under her breath. When she was ready, I looked at the monitor. There was a grainy, black and white video of the front of the store. In the very corner of the screen, you could see a sliver of the alley that Willow and I had fought in. Ava hit the space bar to play the video.

There was a moment of nothing, and then Willow stormed out of the store and, after a tiny falter in her steps, went to the alley, off-screen. Then I came out.

Seeing myself in the video was weird. I looked different than I remembered feeling at that moment. I was wringing my hands together in front of me, taking small steps toward where I knew Willow was, as if that would prolong the moment. Then we were both out of view for long enough that Ava skipped ahead a bit. I saw Willow walk toward the tiny bit of wall that was visible, and then she spun around and disappeared just as quickly. I figured this was after she burned my hair, when she paced for a moment and then lunged at me.

Ava skipped forward a bit more. I saw myself run into frame in front of the store, but I kept going and then I was out of view again. Willow followed, and she stopped so I could just see her from the shoulders up in the bottom corner. 

She was talking. I was relieved the video didn't catch any fire or actual violence. I wouldn't have to explain anything to Ava, or put my job on the line to protect Willow again. 

The video paused, and I looked up at Ava. She had her arms crossed.

"So?" She said. I licked my lips.

"So, " I repeated, already thinking up excuses, "You've got a video that shows nothing. It could be a simple conversation, or it could be a drug deal." I shrugged.

"Right," She agreed, "But you seem to forget. You ran in front of my store, where I was on cash, facing the glass store-front."

I swallowed nervously, eyes flicking back to Willow's face on the screen, paused exactly after she asked me why I didn't follow her. I could see how broken she looked. Ava clicked something and the video changed. This time, it was the view from a camera in the store, facing the door. I could see the back of Willow. My body was mostly blocked by her, but my face was in full view. 

I was too anxious to wait for Ava to study my reaction before playing the video, so I reached forward and pressed play myself.

Willow yelled with exaggerated hand motions, and I spoke with my hands out of view, probably held up in front of me. Willow raised one arm toward me and I bit my lip hard, watching the grainy view of fire growing from her palm. Proof. Video proof. My eyes watered. I felt like Lilypad was walking through my front door all over again, giving me an ultimatum. I wondered what Ava's ultimatum would be.

She stopped the video and stared at me.

"She's The Flamethrower?" She asked me, and I nodded.

"And you're...Tidal?" 

"I was." I corrected.

"Now?" She asked, and I wondered if she, too, was expecting me to tell her I became Rebel.

"Now I'm nothing." I told her honestly, shaking my head. She stayed quiet. "Now I'm single. Now I'm living alone in a city away from my friends and family. I spend all my free time avoiding looking at what people are saying about me, because I'm terrified they're disappointed. Or worse, happy that I'm gone."

"June-"

"I spent the last three years waiting to see someone who wants nothing to do with me anymore. She hates me. She's angry that I did what I thought was the right thing. I'm angry that I did it. And now she's gone again, so I'll never get to fix any of it."

What I thought before, when I questioned if I actually liked her, was suddenly very obviously wrong. I was in love with Willow. And maybe it was the old Willow, but I wanted to be in love with the new Willow, too. I wanted her to love me back again. I wanted to finally get the kiss I've been waiting for. 

Maybe I was being too hopeful, and maybe it would just hurt me in the end, but it felt nice to think something good might happen, even if it was seriously doubtful. Maybe Willow was more evil than she was before. Maybe she was so very Villain that she wouldn't want anything to do with someone who wasn't a Villain, or someone who used to be a Hero. Maybe she wouldn't accept me unless I became evil, too. I'm not sure I could ever be a Villain. I didn't even want to try. Loving someone isn't about changing yourself until they love you back, so I pushed the thought out of my mind and focused back on Ava, who for some reason looked smug.

"Well, I offered her the job, so you're going to have to fix it." 

She reached past me and deleted the video, then walked out of the room. The bell on the front door jingled. My breath caught in my throat.

"Romeo!"

The End