Okay, guys, this is going to be explaining me. Now I know that some people do tend to think they know me but in truth no one actually does. Not even my step-dad. The only reason I ever ever get into fights is not some power thing. It's because I want to feel pain. I only ever hurt myself for the same reason. I have lived almost my entire life isolated from other people because of how much I moved. I never made friends until I arrived at the place I am at now. I said they were my friends so that I would at least feel connected to something but, in fact, I only ever hurt myself mentally. I only ever fooled myself into thinking they were my friends but in the end, they all stabbed me in the back. Not all together either, they did it one by one. They have, and I know this sounds cheesy, torn me apart.
I never sleep either. I stay up almost all night just laying in my bed. I can't sleep because every time I close my eyes I always seem to see me being torn to shreds. It's by the people I love to. They all take me apart and I can only lay there and beg for them to stop but they laugh at me and keep going. I never die during it though, I live through all of it. Every single agonizing moment of me just begging for death now. I never seem to get what I ask for. I wish I did sometimes actually die in real life. For me, it would be the one thing that is true in my pit of lies. You see I have always had trust issues and most of it comes from my own parents. They have all lied to me, every single time I start to finally gain trust in them they lie again. Sometimes I want to run away from them and never look back. It would be better to live on the streets but I know nothing about that.
In all honesty, my trust issues hurt me the most. I want to be able to have faith in people but no matter what I can only see how they can betray me. Zane seems to have a slight exception to that though. I can't exactly explain it but I just don't see them as betraying me. God, I must sound like a whiny baby. This is all for now before I sound to whiny. Bye
YOU ARE READING
Keith's diary ish
Acaksort of where I probably will write about my life. prepare that tissue box or to clap your hands. or just sit there and wonder what made you even start reading this.
