Formulas (CURRENTLY UNDER EXTREME EDITING) (WILL BECOME A DIFFERENT STORY)

Chapter 4: Nutella=Life

As soon as I realized what in the name of flying tacos I was doing, I immediately pushed him away. He frowned, his hand still on my thigh. I scrambled to get off the bed and in the process, I fell off and took Jay with me. He landed on my stomach and he cursed. I pushed him off and I stood up, straightening my dress.

And whatever dignity I still had left.

He looked up at me, confusion apparent in his face. Without a word, I grabbed my heels from the corner of his room and left, closing the door behind me.

I can't believe I was so stupid! I let Jay kiss me. In fact, he almost took my virginity. I know, you're probably surprised considering how many guys I've dated before. I guess I just want my first time to be more special than some high school fling. But Jay? He's not even a fling! We aren't dating, we aren't in love, I don't even like him.

Well...maybe scratch that last part.

Actually, no. Whatever I felt for him before in the short few days he's been back, I don't feel it anymore.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!!

It was just the way he was looking at me...almost longingly.

I walked back downstairs to the party and ignored Jay's voice calling out to me. I scanned the room and found Gia dancing with Zach. She looked so happy. I would hate to take her away from the party she's obviously enjoying just because I made a dumb mistake. Instead I sent her a quick text about my departure and walked outside.

I thought about calling my mom, but I knew she wouldn't approve of me being at a party on a school night. I had made up an excuse of a study session with Gia. Instead, I called my brother. I know he wouldn't rat me out. He goes to weeknight parties all the time. I settled myself on the front porch step of Zach's house as I waited and tried to ignore my tingling skin from wherever he touched me. Why did that kiss feel so good? I've kissed several guys before, but they've never felt like that...all the emotions behind it. And I didn't understand a single one.

A few minutes later, my brother's car pulled up. I hopped in without saying anything and as he pulled away, I looked back to the house, still vibrating with loud music.

Jay stood on the porch, watching as we drove off, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Elle? Are you ok?"AJ turned to me with a face full of concern and love. I shook my head silently, angrily wiping away a stray tear. Why was I crying over him, of all people? I've never cried over a boyfriend before.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I sighed and turned to him with a sad smile.
"No thanks Jay."

The nickname I've called my brother ever since I could talk echoed in my ears.

Ironic. The one boy who cares shares the same name of another boy who doesn't.

My phone went off. I ignored it thinking that maybe it was Jay and he had somehow gotten my number. But when it dinged several more times, I knew it wasn't him. Guys aren't that desperate.

I checked my phone to see several texts and 2 missed calls from Gia. Most of them about where I was and why the heck I ditched her. Sighing, I shoved my phone back in my clutch. I just wasn't in the mood.

*~*~*

The next day, I avoided Jay like the plague. Gia tried to get me to talk all day but I didn't feel like explaining.

How could I if I barely understood it myself?

I saw him in a few of my classes and in the hallways a couple times throughout the day. He even tried to talk to me at my locker but I just got my stuff and left. I didn't want him to know how helpless he made me feel.