FEELS •shawn mendes•

feels •shawn mendes• ch. 11

FEELS •chapter eleven•

I get into shawns car and my phone rings.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Aubrey Rose Hannon, where are you? It is almost 6 pm on a school night! Don't you have homework or something to do?" My lovely mother's voice screeches through the phone.

"Did everything during class, mom. Im with my friend shawn right now." I tell her.

Friend? More like fuck buddy.

"Shawn?" She asks.

"Yeah. Shawn. Hes my friend." I emphasize the word 'friend'.

Again, fuck buddy.

"Well, you tell this shawn boy I say hi. Tell him to take care of you. Love you, honey." My mom says.

"Bye, Mrs. Hannon!" Shawn shouts, turning left onto the freeway.

"Goodbye, im assuming youre shawn. Have a wonderful evening."

I roll my eyes as I end the call.

"Seems nice." Shawn quips, and I roll my eyes again.

"More like overprotective. I'm 17, not a baby."

"Well does she have a reason to be like this?" He asks, and I tense up a little bit.

"Yeah." I whisper.

"You don't have to tell me if you dont—"

"I want to." I tell him.

"Okay."

"So when I was 11, I was out with my friend Kaylee and we were riding bikes down the street. And uh, it started to get dark...and I was riding in front of her. And cars started going by, and so we turned around and headed home with me still in front. And all of a sudden we hear the noise of a car but it never passes by, and I get worried so I ride a little faster." My voice shakes a bit, "but Kayla was still about twenty feet behind me and all of a sudden the car stops and a man jumps out and grab bs Kayla, screaming and takes her into the car. And by that time I was about 100 feet away and only a block away from home. So I rode as fast as I could and ran into my house and cried as I told my mom. And they said they'd find her. They promised they would. But all they found was her body. F-four months later. That's why I'm not allowed out when it's dark. I have to be inside somewhere."

I burst into tears, "I just have this feeling that it's my fault, you know? Maybe if she had been closer we could have both made it. Or maybe I could have fought back or something."

Shawn pulls off the freeway onto the side of the road and pulls me close.

"Please don't cry. It wasn't your fault. You did what anyone would have done. It was an immediate reaction. You were a tiny 11 year old girl, you didn't know any better. Don't blame yourself." He kisses the top of my head and then starts to drive again.

I wipe away my tears.

"Good, you're happier now. I cant stand seeing my friends sad."

Friend? What the hell? Does he not know how much that killed me??

I ignore that and shawn drives me home. I get out of the car and run into my room. I watch Netflix for about half an hour before I go into my moms office and try to talk to her.

She's working and ignores me as I ask her a question, so I go back to my room and FaceTime my friend Kaia.

"Someone saw you with a guy earlier down in Toronto." She says the second I say hi.

My heart drops and I say, "oh. That's weird cause I was here all day."

She's silent for a moment before she changes the subject.

Who the fuck saw us?

I hang up the phone after what seems like forever and call shawn.

"Hello?" He asks, sounding sleepy.

"Are you asleep?"

"Considering that it's midnight, yes I'm asleep."

I look at my clock and to my surprise it reads: 12:36 pm.

"Whoops, sorry mendes." I apologize. "Goodnight, see you after school tomorrow."

"Or before school, you can't keep saying your car is broken so you can get Tatum to drive you. Just have me take you."

"Maybe. Goodnight, shawn."

"Night, beautiful."

Now he calls me beautiful. I don't understand.

I wake up and throw on a t shirt and leggings and put my hair up in a bun, not bothering to put on any makeup.

I eat an apple downstairs and then wait to be picked up.

I hear a honk and then I realize that I forgot shawn is taking me.

I pretend I don't look like shit as I throw my stuff into the backseat.

"Hi." I say.

"Hey sleeping beauty. You look good without makeup."

"You noticed?" I'm shocked.

"Yeah, your face is a little softer."

"Shut up!"

"It was a compliment."

I hit his arm and he looks at me.

"It was a compliment, i swear!" He repeats, laughing.

"Sure." I tease.

"It was." He says, staring into my eyes, "you're beautiful."

"Why are you like this?" I finally ask out of frustration.

"Like what?" He seems confused.

"Like how youre being right now!" I say, and he doesnt move.

"Aubrey, you're making no sense. How am I acting."

"Half of the time you're calling me babe and stuff but the other half you call me your friend and say things like 'you're such a good friend to me.' I dont get it!"

Shawn seems a little exasperated and his hands tighten on the steering wheel.

"We said no feelings, Aubrey. Whatever I'm saying has nothing to do with how I really feel. Okay? I said no feelings and I meant what I said. I don't know how you feel about me and I'm sorry if it's ruining the whole point of this deal. I'd love to help you but I obviously can't."

"Don't be like that, shawn. Half the time you're going to be here for me and then in two seconds you throw me away!" I tell him, my voice rising.

"Because you're entitled."

"Fuck you."

Hes silent for a moment, then tries to apologize.

"I'm sorr—"

"Just stop."