FEELS •shawn mendes•

feels •shawn mendes• ch. 20

AUBREY POV:

"TATUM?!" I ask again. I hear sobs on the other end of the phone. "Tatum, you're worrying me!"

Shawn mouths to me: "everything okay?"

I shake my head, and finally, Tatum speaks.

"Why wouldnt you tell me?" Her voice is really soft and I can tell she's mad, she just wants to hide it.

I sigh, trying to figure out what to tell her. "Tate, i just couldn't. I knew how happy you were with him. And what piper did with him seemed to be a mistake, and I didn't want to ruin what you guys had. Plus, why the hell would it be my place to tell you something like that? Piper and Danny should have said something, not me."

"It's your place because you're my best friend!" Tatum sobs. "I thought I could trust you, Aubrey. I thought you'd always have my back."

"You can trust me!" My eyes well up with tears, "Tate, you can always trust me. I'm always here for you!"

"But you weren't." Tatum sighs, "I needed you, and you weren't there. The one time that I didn't know what to do; I was hoping you'd be there for me. But you weren't, and it hurt, Aubrey. It did. It really fucking hurt knowing a whole bunch of people betrayed me."

"Tatum, what are you saying?" I sound choked up.

"I don't know yet, Aubrey. I really don't know. I-I'll talk to you later, okay? I just need time to think..." she says quietly.

"I'm really sorry, Tatum. I...i really do mean that. I shouldn't have-" my voice shakes as I speak.

"Bye, Aubrey." Tatum cries as she hangs up the phone.

I turn to look at shawn, tears welling up in my eyes.

"I'm a fucking horrible person." I blurt out, and he looks shocked.

He comes over to me and pulls me close, letting me cry into his chest. He kisses the top of my head, and I rest my head in the side of his neck.

"What are you talking about?" He sounds confused.

"I don't even think tatum wants to be friends with me anymore."

"Aubrey, look at me." Shawn says calmly.

Im sobbing uncontrollably as I look up at him.

"You need to take a deep breath. Focus on something for a little while. Calm your breathing, stop your crying, okay?" He puts his finger under my chin.

"What am i supposed to concentrate on?" I ask, my eyes shrouded in tears.

"Me." He says, and I do.

I take in his brown curls, his beautiful eyes, his little scar on his cheek, his nose, his lips.

Eventually, my breathing does slow.

"Thank you." I tell shawn, and he takes my hands in his.

"This isn't your fault, you know that."

"It just feels like it is."

SHAWN POV:

I can't stand seeing her like this. They're breaking her. Her friends, they're doing nothing but stress her out.

I pull her in for a hug.

I just wish I could have come into her life earlier, made something easier for her. Wouldn't have to hide. She wouldn't have to pretend to hate me. I'm sick of hiding our relationship like this.