I wrote this last year, April 2017, and posted it on my DeviantArt account.
"I carefully closed the book and rubbed my eyes. I sighed. I stood up groggily from my comfy chair and walked like a zombie into the kitchen. I sighed. My eyes focused on the outside… I wish I can go out and have some fun. I sighed. I’m bored… I feel empty… It’s been days since I felt the warm touch of the sun. I sighed. I slowly stirred my hot coffee, inhaling the sweet addicting scent. I stopped. I sighed. I realized. I feel old. Is this what old people do? Alone, reading a book or two, drinking coffee, sighing every single second of their boring gray life. I sighed. I returned to my comfy chair, it creaked as I sat. I sighed. I opened a new book, “This may get me outside… Even if it’s just by imagination.” I sighed. I heard the cheerful laughter of the children outside. I sighed. I closed the book and I felt my heart being dragged down. I sighed… I cried. Each tear tells how I desperately long for the outside world. I sighed. I want someone to get me out of here, I’m getting depressed now. I sighed.
I just sighed.
Help."
When you're depressed, parang ayaw mo nang gumalaw. It's like everyday is the same. Paulit-ulit. Nagre-rewind. You wake up everyday with nothing in mind. Hindi ka naglo-look forward sa kung anong mangyayari sa panibagong araw.
Sa sinulat ko, it clearly shows na gusto kong lumabas. I want to go out and feel the warmth, be happy. But depression stopped me. Parang ikinulong ka niya at pinagbawalang lumabas. And I wished for someone to barge in my house and drag me outside.
But no one did.
So all I did at that time was to mope around the house and well, write.
All these years I made fun of the word boredom (I actually thought it sounds cool). Palagi akong nagpo-post ng "I'm bored huhu." sa FB. And my mother would frown. Nagtaka nga ako eh. But now, I realized why.
Boredom can get you depressed too.
Let's get a lil help from dear old Google.
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bore·dom
ˈbôrdəm/
noun
the state of feeling bored.
synonyms:weariness, ennui, apathy,unconcern; frustration,dissatisfaction, restlessness,restiveness, lethargy, lassitude;tedium, dullness, monotony,repetitiveness, flatness, dreariness;
informal deadliness
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Read the synonyms. Katakot naman ng deadliness.
But you know what, most of the people wake up everyday to DO SOMETHING, to live their lives to the fullest! And it also makes us depressed to see that others are LIVING, habang tayo tunganga lang.
Pero wala tayong magawa eh, depression holds us, forcing us to do nothing. While we see everyone around us living their lives, we just stay in one place, never moving.
Just like we're already dead.
YOU ARE READING
The Depths of Depression
Non-FictionWhat is depression? Paano mo malalaman kapag ika'y lalamunin na ng depresyon? How to cope with depression? Paano nga ba talaga? Mga rants ba to? Yeah, I guess. But one thing is clear. It's about my horrible journey with depression. At nakisali pa s...
