stronger | catthew (discontinued)

chapter two

author's note: sorry i suck for not updating but yeah. :))) here you go. and i got a lot of matthew/carter in my last vote so yeah

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matthew's point of view

He kissed me, I thought as I sunk down the bathroom wall, he kissed me.

My breath was coming out in hurried gasps as I knew this was all a fucking joke. He doesn't like me, I need to stop right now. My skin itched, I needed to release the pain right away. I shakily stood up and staggered over to the drawer and riffled through the contents.

I gripped the small razor in my hand and turned it over and over and over in my hand. I shakily held my breath as I ran it over my left wrist several times. I held back a gasp of pain and shook my head. Carter probably hates me, and would hate me even more if he found out, so I stayed in the bathroom for fifteen minutes.

A soft knock echoed on the door and the fimilar voice filled the space, "Matt? Are you okay?"

"Y-Yeah," I shakily responded grabbing his sweatshirt off the ground before I bandaged up my wrists and tugged it over my head. I quickly opened the door and forced a smile and nodded, "I am fine."

Carter nodded, "Listen-"

"Shawn was lying, I don't like you at all. I'm not gay.." I forced out with a fake laugh, "don't feel bad about yourself, kid."

"Yeah, I was just joking about the kiss," Carter smiled, "just had to shut up Shawn for a minute."

He doesn't even seem kidding, he's not hurt, it was all a fucking joke to him... I should've known.

"Alright, do you want  to go down and meet some fans?" Carter suggested putting on his vans, "I think Cam and Nash are already down there and Shawn and Taylor are heading down there."

"S-Sure," I gulped, yanking down the sleeves of the sweatshirt by habit, "let me get my phone really quick."

I picked it up as it lit up with a text from Shawn.

S: hey how'd it go?I don't know you tell me, he said it was a joke.

I pushed my phone back into my pocket, not wanting to deal with Shawn. I slipped on a pair of Carter's vans because mine were in the Jack's room, plus I like wearing Carter's clothes. His clothes were slightly bigger than mine and they were comfy. I liked the scent of him- no, I don't.

"Ready?" Carter asked me, smiling his cute little smile.

"Of course." I tried to ignore the stinging in my wrists, "of course I am."

* *

I collapsed on the bed complaining to Taylor about how much my cheeks hurt from smiling with the fans. I kicked off Carter's shoes and buried my face into the pillow and sighed heavily.

"Hey Matt, can I talk to you in private?" Shawn asked from beside Gilinsky, "please?"

"Of course," I got up before casting a weary glance at Cam and Nash who were cuddling each other on my bed as they giggled at each other's jokes they told one another.

I smiled at them, I wanted that with Carter, they seemed so happy together but they weren't "together" or at least that's what they said. I don't believe them because Nash looks at Cameron the way I look at Carter, he so in love even if he tries to deny it.

I closed the door which held the other boys and turned to Shawn who was already walking down the hallway. I picked up my pace to catch up to him, before he eventually stopped at the end of the hallway by the stairs.