stronger | catthew (discontinued)

chapter eight

matthew's pov

We just got back from six flags and we were all making our ways up to our room. Nash and Cam ran up to their room before everyone else doing who knows what. Taylor and Shawn were trailing furthur and furthur behind, hands interlocked and voices low talking to each other, every now and then kissing each other's cheeks.

I was tired and all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and sleep for two thousand and four years but of course Carter was walking impossibly slow and talking to Aaron, Hayes, and the Jack's. Jack and Jack and Taylor and Shawn departed taking a left down the hallway, Hayes and Aaron took a right and Carter and I walked straight.

I wasn't prepared for Carter to start talking to me as soon as he slid the key into the fourth door on the right and we stepped into our room. I heard Carter sigh heavily and I knew he was about to talk to me so I tried to walk away quickly.

"Matthew, can you just please trust me?" Carter grabbed my wrist, spinning me around, "please?"

 "Why would I trust you?" I finally said with a shuddering breath, "I just don't think I can trust anyone, anymore."

"Matthew.." Carter looked at me sadly.

"I'm walking through hell with a smile on my face," I whispered, "and you haven't noticed for months. So, what's the point of acting like you care now?"

"I do care." Carter pleaded silently.

"Let go," my voice cracked slightly, "please."

Carter dropped my wrist and I felt myself slide down the bathroom wall, letting the tears fall. Carter watched me sadly, tears now cascading down his cheeks.

"Matthew," Carter forced me to look at him, eyes glazed over with tears, "I know what you're going through.. depression? Self-harm? I know all the secrets about it."

I froze up, "what do you mean?"

"I went through the same thing two years ago. I saw how you acted, it was the same way I acted. Always hiding everything, always wearing sweatshirts, always tired. I know exactly what you are doing. I'm not dumb."

"You knew this whole time..." I growled, finding myself getting angrier. "You knew this entire time about how much pain and agony I went through?! And you did nothing to help me!"

"Matt-"

"I'm done. I'm going to the Jack's room for tonight."

I stormed out the door, grabbing a room key on my way out, tears falling heavily. The Jacks were down the hallway and to the left. I got to their room in a quick two minutes, pounding on their door. A messy haired Jack Johnson opened the door staring at me with glassy eyes.

"Matt?"

"Jack? Were you crying?"

"The Fault in Our Stars," he laughed, "were you crying?"

"Carter," I dramitcally sighed, walking into their room as Jack J closed the day and followed me. I sat down in a chair by the TV and buried my face in my hands, "I'm a mess."

Jack Gilinsky poked his head out of the bathroom, "babe? Who's here."

I looked up from my fingers just in time to watch Johnson blush heavily and reply with a whisper of 'Matt'.

"I'll be out in a minute!" he called from the bathroom.

"Babe?" I smirked toward Johnson who was now hiding his face.

"So, me and Jack may be a thing..."

"OH MY GOD!" I screamed throwing my head back and kicking my legs while smiling brighting. "IT'S SO CUTE!"

"Why are you here?" Jack continued to blush at me as I watched him face-plant into his bed.

"Carter is a fucking asshole, that's why."

Only then did I realize if he wanted to know what happened I would have to let everything out. My depression, my self-harm, all my private issues that now Carter knew and Shawn.

"What'd he do now?" Gilinsky said, scaring the shit out of me as he traced his finger over Johnson's spine.

"It's real nothing... I over-reacted, I think I should go back and say sorry I left."

Gilinsky's eyebrow went up but he nodded, "if you insist. Bye, Matt!"

"Bye, Matt." Jack mumbled into the blanket as he enjoyed Gilinsky's touch.

"Be safe and don't do it tonight!" I skipped out the door.

"MATT I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL FUCK YOU UP SO BA-" I cut off Johnson's screams by closing the door and giggling he was going to kill me.

I walked slowly back to my room and knocked on the door, even though I did have a key. Carter opened the door, eyebrow arched to a degree.

I pulled his face closer to mine and connected our lips, my fingers trailing to his hair. Carter yanked me into the room, kicking the door shut with his foor. Our lips were moving rapidly, and I just needed more. More, more, more, more, more. The fire in my veins were scorching and my fingers grasped at Carter's shirt.

"Forgiven?" Carter whispered against my lips.

"Forgiven." I rested my forhead against his.

"What are we?" Carter asked slowly.

"Can we talk in the morning?" The fire inside me died down, even if Carter was in front of me. "I am just really tired and my brain hurts and I'm just really confused at the moment..."

"Matthew, I am always here for you, okay? Every time you cut yourself you cut yourself, you are cutting me. You hurt me when you hurt yourself."

Carter's forhead was still on mine and I realized he's intoxicating. He's everything I have ever wanted. All those times I tried to not like him at all I was just trying to push away my feelings. I was trying to change myself by not being with him.

I leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to his nose, "thank you, Carter. I'm sorry for being an asshole to you."

"It's okay, love. It's okay, we all make mistakes."

We stood hugging for a long time and I realized everything I ever wanted was right there in front of me. I thought of that Taylor Swift song, touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you. And it was right at the moment of time. He means everything to me and I was too dumb to see it all along.

Now I'm wondering to myself, is it too late to save Carter and I's relationship?

* *

author's note:

HOLY SHIT THEY MADE UP THEY MA D E UP

MY EHART IS SWELLING OH MFY GOD

FUCK FUCK FCKU FCKDJ

okay im done okay my heart is done too

fuck ca$h money next chapter i think...

maybe maybe maybe or more catthew