My New Neighbor ❤ {A YohaMari fanfic}

Who this?? (1)

(Art creds to Yunare on Reddit)

"Hello mortals, yall be being blessed by Yohane. Would ya'll fall gracefully to hell wit-"

*author come in*

"YO I WASN'T FINISHED."

THIS BE MY FANFIC YO. I'M MARI, AKA AUTHOR-CHAN, NOT MARI OHARA (I WISH THO SMH) N I'M GOING TO BE GIVIN YALL SOME BACKGROUND ON THIS SHIT. SO YA'LL THIS BE YOHANE TSUSHIMA

"IT'S YOHAN-" Yohane stops and comes to a realization. "Oh."

HA YOU PLAYED YOSELF. THIS BITCH BE 19 YEARS OLD OR SOME SHIT N IS IN COLLEGE. SHE HAD TO MOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE BC OF PLOT PURPOSES OR SOME SHIT, I AIN'T GOTTA REASON YALL. 

"WHAT KIND OF INTRODUCTION IS THIS OMG."

FUCK IT Y'ALL, WE GETTIN THIS SHIT STARTED *FLIPS THE SWITCH*

________________________________

YoHANE was unpacking boxes full of her items because she just moved into her new house. She rips the tape off a box and opens it, revealing a box a full of magical DILDOS N VIBRATORS :000.

"What the hell," Yohane says. She turns her head to the audience (aka the fourth wall) and says "Ya'll ain't needed to see that."

After a while of unpacking her items she gets bored as hell and decides to go to the living room and watch tv.

"I don't watch much tv but let's see what's on." She picks up the remote and turns on the tv. On the screen appears several girls talking bout some shit. 

"YO I AIN'T EVEN KNOW A STRAP ON PUSSY EXIST??" A girl wit blue hair, coincidentally lookin like Yohane's said.

"NO ONE FUCKIN DID YO SFJSDKJF." The dark brown haired one wit the tiny ass mole on her face replied.

"I'M FUCKIN CRYING ZURAAA." The light brown one said while bursting into laughter.

Yohane turns off the tv. "The fuck is this?? Why does that blue haired bitch look like me smh."

T-T-T-TIME SKIP 

The time is now 6:47 pm. Yohane leaves the house to buy other things she needs for her house. Like fuckin rugs, lights, cooking supplies.

CUTTIN MY HAIR N MY NASTY ASS TOES CLEAN AS FUCK BUT APPARENTLY I CAN'T KEEP A BITCH. WHO DAT BITCH COME ON LADIES. DAT BITCH NAMED SH- 

OKAY Y'ALL THAT WAS ANOTHER TIME SKIP, HOPE Y'ALL ENJOYED PART OF THAT SONG WRITTEN BY MY BFF EMILY.

She finally arrives home and pulls up to the driveway to park her car. She walks to the door while carrying a few bags of her new shit.

Yohane sees something on her doorstep. "YO IT BE A BOMB. Lmaoooo it don't be XXXDDD." She sees a plastic box with chocolate chip cookies and a note attached to the top reading "Hey!! I know I'm kinda late but welcome to the neighborhood. I made cookies for you. Enjoy!- Mari, from the house right to yours ♡" Yohane flips the back of the note n it reads, "PS BITCH I WANT YO DICK LMAOOOO JK JK XDD."

"Yoooo I'm fuckin gone." Yohane says. "I gotta meet this Mari bitch tho." 

Yohane enters into the house n sets the bags of shit down then walks to the kitchen, then places the box of cookies on the counter which is close enough to the sink n refrigirator but not too close that the counter would actually legitimately, actually, fr touch the brown, cafe, shiny, clean, hard, almost unbreakable, unflexible, solid, wit silver flakes, Granite counter. 

"Okay I'm bout to eat this shit, if I die then I'm comin back from hell n suing this bitch." The blue bitch takes a bite of the cookie n orgasms immendalty.

Her face lights up as she transends to hell. "THE FUCK?? THIS BE THE SHIT."  

"IF SHE/HE/THEY/LESBIAN WAS A DEMON, I'D SELL MY FUCKIN SOUL FOR THESE COOKIES YO. BUT WAIT, WOULDN'T THEY MORE LIKELY BE AN ANGEL FOR MAKING THESE COOKIES WHICH ARE BASICALLY GOD'S GIFT????"

HOLY SHIT Y'ALL YOHANE MCFUCKIN PASSES OUT BC PLOT TWIST YALL: THE COOKIES BEEN POSIONED WIT MARI'S DICK HERPES. YO FUCK THAT I JUST AIN'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL ELSE TO WRITE SO SHIT SHE AIN'T REALLY PASS OUT, SHE DID SOME BORING ASS SHIT THEN WENT TO BED. 

A/N: Y'ALL I AIN'T NEVER WRITTEN A LL! FIC BEFORE N THIS BE MY FIRST SO HOPE Y'ALL ENJOYED THAT SHIT