Jayfeather & Half Moon/Briarlight

8

    Briarlight was flat down on her back, gazing up at the sky. Her paws stretched out, trying to reach for the clear blue sky. Jayfeather lay beside her, his silent presence somehow comforting as she did her exercises.

  "Are you okay?" Briarlight asked after a while. Her breathing was even and calm, used to the tedious exercises Jayfeather had assigned to her a long time ago. "You're quiet."

  It was another long while before Jayfeather replied Briarlight in a low tone. "Can I ask you a question?"

  Briarlight sat up, licking her paw and drawing it over her ear. "Of course, Jayfeather."

  "Are you lonely?"

  She started, stumbling a little in surprise. How long she had waited for someone to ask her about her feelings; she didn't quite think he had said it properly. "Me? L-lonely?"

  Jayfeather sat up as well, his sightless blue gaze on her. "Yes. Do you ever get lonely?"

  Briarlight scoffed, keeping her tone light. "Well, sitting in the medicine den with cats fawning over you all the time, do I ever get a moment's peace?"

  "No, I mean seriously."

  Briarlight looked at him in surprise. Jayfeather's seriousness unsettled her. Although he had always been serious, it was never this kind. He never asked about other cat's feelings. At least, she didn't think he did...

  She stared out at the calm serenity of the lake. Half of her wanted to be like that, so calm and perfect. A bird flitted across her vision. She wanted to be that, too. Free and knowing its purpose in life - to eat, survive. And not to be broken, like her.

  "Yes. I am." Briarlight whispered. Her paws kneaded the ground in silent frustration. She tried not to think about what could have been, how she could have been a fierce warrior... instead of being stuck, crippled and useless. "I'm of no use to anyone."

  Jayfeather blinked, surprised. "That's not true."

  "Don't you dare try to hide that fact, Jayfeather. I'm nothing but a burden. I've seen you in the medicine den, wishing I weren't there to annoy you all the time. Wishing I wasn't living in the medicine den. I've seen the Clan at leaf-bare, giving me the fresh-kill because they pitied me  while they starve inside their dens. I've seen my sister, turn to me with a look of resentment on her face because Millie pays more attention to me than her. I've seen it all." Briarlight said in a shaking voice, closing her eyes. She didn't want to see the look on Jayfeather's face. "And yet I still cling on. Even if I don't know what I'm living for."

  A paw covered hers. Briarlight opened her eyes in surprise. "You live as a bright light for ThunderClan."

  Briarlight swallowed, daring to look into Jayfeather's eyes.

  "You're not a burden. We love you as one. You tried to save Longtail, there's no fault in that."

  "I failed, Jayfeather. He still died. And I... I remain like... like this." Briarlight said, her voice cracking. "No one will ever truly understand this feeling, Jayfeather. So... so don't try." She pulled away, dragging herself away from him, closer to the edge of the lake.

  "You don't think some cats don't suffer too?" Jayfeather's voice called behind her.

  Briarlight stared into the lake, her reflection staring up at her. Imperfect. A burden.

  Jayfeather's reflection joined her. "It's hard being blind. It's hard knowing your own mother betrayed you. It's hard being not to love." He said the last one in a soft, almost vulnerable voice. As though he was thinking of someone.

  "And have you loved? Would you give everything up for love?" Briarlight asked.

  There was a small pause, and then Jayfeather lifted his head to stare across the lake, towards the horizon although Briarlight knew that he couldn't see it. It was sunset, the sun's rays stretching across the sky like long fingers, sucking the rest of its glorious light and heat away. Leaving nothing but the cold blackness of a dark night.

  "Yes."

  Briarlight felt a rush of surprise. Jayfeather loved someone?

  "To feel like I'm accepted, to feel like someone would love me for who I am... yes. To feel the happiness, to feel the rush of excitement, yes. To never live a life of sadness, to never live a life of duty for the rest of the days... yes."

  And at that moment, Jayfeather suddenly felt how Leafpool had felt. Why she had run away, to feel everything he had just said - and more. She had felt like she had belonged with him, Crowfeather. To escape the life of duty.

  Briarlight stirred beside him. He could feel the different emotions fighting within her. He could tell that she was surprised - he was surprised at himself, too. He had just revealed more of his inner thoughts than he had ever had with anyone.

  And the worse part was, he actually felt good about it. Briarlight didn't say anything - she didn't need to. Silence was the best answer right now. Briarlight was both comforting and understanding. She had faced the worst - and still faced the difficulties. And although hard, she had accepted it and lived with the way of life.

  Jayfeather's mind ran through what he had just said and felt it was true. And he knew Briarlight understood. They sat at the lakeside, gazing out across it together, side by side in companionable silence.