Jayfeather & Half Moon/Briarlight

12

  Briarlight didn't care anymore. She couldn't. Why should she? The only cat who actually accepted her for who she was and - maybe - even loved her... well, he made it very clear that he didn't think like that anymore.

Hot tears blinded her eyes as she struggled out of camp. Her breath came in ragged amounts, forcing her to stop to regain breath again. No one was around - no one could see her.

Good. Briarlight's mind was racing ahead of her beating heart as she stumbled past the undergrowth, walking and walking without a care of whether her paws would grow sore. It was already numb.

The sun beat down, hot and merciless as Briarlight continued to drag herself forward, blinded to where she was going until water lapped at her paws and she couldn't go any further. Half of her body was underwater, her head above it as she surveyed the calm surface of the lake.

Once, it had offered comfort. She couldn't recall all the times she had sat there, on the lakeshore, with Jayfeather. She remembered those whispered words into the night air, and at that moment she knew that she had loved him.

Briarlight closed her eyes, turning away and sludging through the lakewater to the shore, the current tugging her around. Her paws slipped underneath her, sweeping her off balance and plunging her into the lake. Her hind legs were dead weight, immobile as her front paws tried paddling to the surface, but the current pushed past again and shoved her down, against the bed.

Panic coursed through her, adrenaline making her fight back even more. Help me. Please.

Words gurgled out of her mouth, air bubbles escaping as she screamed. Briarlight thrashed against the current, pulling herself up to the surface to gulp a mouthful of air before she was plunged back down. She couldn't see the shore anymore.

But as she drifted in that eternal blackness... Briarlight suddenly found a newfound sensation of peace. In that quiet darkness, nothing could hurt her or pity her. It accepted her, caressing and beautiful. All thoughts of Jayfeather slipped away as she got suspended in time.

Was this how Flametail felt? Was Jayfeather just there, watching him but unable to save him?

Briarlight moved her head slightly, and she saw Jayfeather. His blue eyes blinked up at her, fierce with affection she had seen in his eyes when he looked at her on the lakeshore once. Then she blinked and he was gone, too.

He never meant to stay. Briarlight thought sadly. His heart always belonged to someone else.

That's not true.

Briarlight gasped at the sudden voice, and suddenly she wasn't suspended in time anymore. And just before she snapped out of the daze, she realised who the voice was. She just knew it. It was that she-cat Jayfeather loved. Briarlight fought for air then, breaking the surface just in time. Fight, Briarlight.

Clinging on to that voice, Briarlight started paddling harder. It was as though she was bashing the barrier that hid all her thoughts, slowly breaking the barrier. The barrier that had kept all the negativity out. The barrier that had pinned her to the ground, tied to the Clan's rules because she wouldn't allow herself to dream of running away. The barrier that forced her to think she didn't belong, even though it was true. And she knew that now. Jayfeather had proved that.

The current pulled her, and she went along with it instead of fighting it. As her paws pounded against the water, she had a memory of her paws helping Jayfeather as they kneaded the herbs together.

Sad happiness welled up in her heart, and as the waves pushed her to a shore she was unfamiliar with, she rested for a while. Thoughts raced through her mind fast, and she couldn't catch any thoughts except one - I can't go back.