Some Drawing And The Book Of Me. Isabella.

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Ok listen. So I read the amazing amazing persons writings here on Wattpad.  But she is suicidal and depressed.. she has one of the most best books here and she has a real gift for writing. But she thinks she isn't good enough. She's really really pretty she has alot of fans and buy the posts she makes she seems to be just fine socially and money wise.. So why isn't that enough.  I'm just going to say it cause it won't make sense If I don't. I don't have a dad. I have 2 mom's and 1 step mom. (My brothers mom) i have always been awkward around grown men and to be honest they kinda scare me.. just because I never grew up around any at all so i don't know how to act and I get really anxious.  Sometimes at lunch my friends talk about there dads and sometimes even say they wish they didn't have one. I feel like punching them in the face and crying. Why can't that just be enough for you.. why do you half to be so negative all the time.. when I was 2 years old my dad left me and I was brought to America where I grew up. I lost my Spanish accent but still can speak Spanish.. weird.. But I still try everyday to wake up and smile and try my best to be positive and think of everything good that might happen. Last year I had a group of friends. Me and them were very close. Then I started changing. I pretended I was this perfect person who had everything. A dad. My brother. Not living in "the hood" 1 mom. And in my head it was real but it wasn't. Last year I wanted more then I had and they found out the truth. They didn't want to be my friend anymore and I was to ashamed of myself to even look at my mom. My brother . My old friends. Anyone. All because what I had wasn't good enough. I spent the rest of my summer in and out of therapy after my mom decided I was depressed. I didn't go because I thought it would help me *it didn't* I did it because I wanted my mom to sleep without worrying about her child. So many people have it worse. I had friends family good house good clothes water. So that's why I am so triggered when people complain about there lives. I never want to be that person again. 

Sorry I needed to rant. Sorry still can't spell.  But improving..