Some Drawing And The Book Of Me. Isabella.

explaining

So you may have noticed or not noticed that I havnt been on here in a long time.
I guess i just thought I would explain.
So about two months ago my cousin and her mom moved in with me and my mom's. At first I was really happy because Its Kinda always been me and my mom so i was excited to have more of my family come live with us.
Well it was great for about a mounth until recently my mom has been acting really sad and just been in a terrible bad pissy annoying mood and I'm like is it cause of me? I feel my cousin has been trying her hardest to be like a perfect kid for my mom but my mom just cannot look at my cousin without me not seeing some hate in her eyes. And it's not helping the fact my mom is always in a bad mood and acting really wierd and uncomfortable but my freaking cousin is so anoying and a low key beach to me. I just honestly can't.
I tired telling my other mom I was stressed and I don't have time for me any more because my cousin is bothering me 24/7 and whenever I look at her I remember all that she has been through so I just do what she wants i tired to explain this all of my mom And it came out wrong And you know what she said. She said my problem was BULLSHIT.
Then she made me clean the whole laundry room because I'm just BULLSHIT you know.
Anyway ever since my cousin has moved in i havnt found the motivation to eat my healthiest do my daily exercise and have even gained weight.  I know that some people when there sad they don't eat but me on the other hand I just eat so much like i don't even care.
Before spring break someone who I thought was a really good friend called me fat. That's all I gotta say..
Another topic I wanted to talk about is my sexuality is so confused right now. I thought I was straight but then I was like why close myself of to only guys I'll be pan sexual but then I'm like weight is that wierd.. My whole life my mom has always said  your gay or straight or bi and anything else you see online is fake and made up. But then I'm now learning about genderfluied and ace and all this other stuff and I didn't even know it. (No offence if your any of these things I just personally don't understand....)
I think the thing that has me the most upset right now was i made a post about how my mom got drunk one night and scared me really bad. She said it would never happen again until on my cosuins birthday she went out with Connors mom and got drunk and came home and told me and my cousin and her friend to go to bed during my cousins sleepover.  On her birthday. Which of coarse made my cousin act like a bitch.
I'm a week person. I can't handle to many bad things at one time before it becomes to much. I know I say to always look on the bright side. And I'm still right. I have been trying to think about my friends and going back to school and it helps. But all of this stuff has really knocked me down. I was doing so good. The only problem was when I'm doing so good it only lasts a little while before I fall of my tower of positivity and stress free life before I go into my safety net of sadness and anxiety. I really wish I could have the strength to get back up just like that but I'm just not like. It takes me a while to be able to climb back up the tower.
Anyway you may not even give a shit and no one will ever care and I probably wasted like 5 minutes of your life and I know someone out there has it so much worse but I just wanted to explain.
~love Isabella

(I'm going to try to do week posts like I'll try so hard and kaakkandnkwwf yah )