Obscure

Chp. 10

Jay

Where am I?

Oh. The same dream.

I haven't been having these dreams for a while.

I seemed to be much closer to the ground. This place was so vivid and clear as if it was real...

It was always like this. Even knowing that this was a dream my body just laid still, just going along with this repetitive cycle. This cruel cycle that played non-stop, mocking me. Never letting me forget.

My little steps made their way towards mother's room. My friend was impatiently waiting outside for me to steal a few bucks out of her pocket.

She barely gave me money to spend nor did she ever pack lunch for me now that my father was ill. Nothing was quite the same with him away.

Careful not to move anything, I searched in the drawer where she usually left some of her extra money.

Click.

Shoot, she's here!

I was looking back and forth trying to find a place to hide. And it was always the closet. I ran to the closet and quickly shut the door behind me. It was dark but I was able to see through the wooden shutter shades.

I heard my mother giggling and talking with someone. She wasn't alone.

At this point, my heart raced like crazy. My heavy breaths made the closet feel even more suffocating as if they were closing in on me.

A man opened the door while kissing her. Her arms were around his neck so I wasn't able to see his face until she slid them down.

My eyes widened in disbelief.

The man she was with...was my uncle. My mother was cheating while my father was ill in the hospital.

How long were they together?...

My heart that raced out of nervousness now had a different purpose. Shock.

My mother was moaning as he continued to kiss and lick her neck. They fell onto the bed as they started taking their clothes off. He was kissing her and touching her endlessly. It was disgusting how he touched her. My mother.

I looked away as my tears ran down my cheeks. These tears that fell..I didn't know if they were sadness, anger, or betrayal I felt. I covered my mouth with my hands to avoid making any noise, pushing down my cries into the depths it came from.

I hated the noise they were making. The heavy pants and moans. My head shook crazily, ignoring the fact that it was making my stomach churn and twist.

No. No. No.

It's just a dream.

Or so that's what I wanted to believe.

Damned this memory. Damned the two of them. Damned my friend that made me come in here and witness all this.

But most of all...damned the day I was born from deceptive love.

*

When I opened my eyes it was already dark outside. I must've fallen asleep here. I peered outside the closet door. They were gone. I opened the door fast and ran to my room. I locked myself inside.

This wasn't real...it can't be...

After the incident, weeks later my father died in the hospital and the funeral followed right after. Most of the family members were crying..even my mother. Those tears of hers were deceiving. Lies.

Beside her was the man, my uncle rubbing her back trying to comfort her. How dare they appear together to father's funeral. How dare they stand next to each other like that in front of my father.

How? Why?

I knew these questions were useless but I wanted to ask her. But these questions were pointless now.

I wanted them to disappear. For my father. For me.

After my father died I noticed my uncle coming home one night with my mother. Because of the thin walls in our house, I was able to hear everything. It made my skin crawl from the noises they made. At some point they were silent and I knew they were asleep.

My mind was blank as I stared down at both of them that were sleeping, oblivious to what was about to happen. Once, twice, I lost count by the time he was nothing but a corpse. The blood on the tip of the knife dropped in silence as I stared down his awful state. The gruesome look was all that was left. His eyes wide and gawking at the ceiling.

My mother woke up from the sound and had a terrified expression. As if I was some monster. It was then I realized what I had done.

Those eyes of hers...never were they loving towards me.

In the split second she tried to move I stabbed her stomach, splitting her open. Digging it deeper and deeper.

Disgusting.

I dropped the knife I had as my hands shook. I needed to get out of this horrid place. I left the house after starting a fire that would erase any trace of what happened.

The wood crackled as the whole house crumbled down to form ashes. The wind blew the warmth of the fire, breezing across my face.

As I stared at the burning house I felt tears falling from my eyes. Whether it was joy, frustration, or anger, that didn't matter to me anymore.

I often wondered if my mother had ever loved me. I might've known the answer a long time ago..but I pushed it away. Denying the truth.

Love...ridiculous.

There's no such thing as love.

*

Thank you