hold me tight or don't

chapter 1: salty cheeks, chocolate milk & ashes.

disclaimer! this short story could be uncomfortable for some readers (references to death, and abuse/violence) this is another special story to me so please be considerate in your words- have an open mind and heart. don't read if you will be uncomfortable, please for your own benefit. enjoy this camila/you if you do continue.

authors note (which you can ignore if you want); as i write this, i'm kind of in tears from how special this book came to be. how there's two versions of this that i had tried to desperately to make work out but hadn't been able to. how special this conversation (with the person had been) in order to make my mind come up with this story. not everything came out the way i wanted to, but in the end i'm proud of this. i've chosen a fall out boy song again for this special story, it mind not have any correlation but i thought it to be fitting. if you've read my one shot from my book "her." called 'my ghost, where'd you go?' you might have an understanding of what this book might be of since before even writing the one shot i had clear intentions of making it a book. if you haven't read the one shot then its okay because i've changed things around. most of this is pre-written but if i feel the need to i'll change it. know that this story is special to me, in ways i won't be able to explain but wish i could. the tears in my eyes are from relief, that my brain had finally been able to cooperate with me. i adore you for reading, and thank you for the 60k reads on my one shot book, it means so much that it burst my heart with joy. with all the humble gratitude my heart can hold, thank you for reading this and taking the time to read my works. continue (none of this checked yet oops, also the cover was made by me so i hope you like it!!!) -- love, cal. xoxo.

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At the age of 19 Camila runs away from home.

She isn't afraid because she knows what it's like to be away from everyone for so long, to be so abandoned you can't tell the difference between affection and hate. So she assumes she's doing something right when she grabs what she can, shoves it into a suitcase and gets into her car.

Camila doesn't have a lot of money. She knows that and she might've been planning to run away for quite some time now but she's hoping that when she runs away, it'll be worth it all, since running away should be as good as it seems on television. Camila has never ran away in her life, and she hopes that somewhere along the way she'll be able to find some kind of way past this horribleness which is her life, find a route out of her misery.

Sofi is distraught, a mixture of anger, confusion and sadness running down her cheeks when she watches Camila shove everything into her car. Mumbling something along the lines of, "Kaki where are you going?" While rubbing her eyes.

In the breaking of dawn, Sofi's cotton nightwear are fuzzy under the light, she rubs her eyes. Staring blankly at Camila in confusion.

Camila explains— more or less tries to because it's hard to talk when there are tears streaming down her face and Camila doesn't know what to think, she's going insane to say at least. Whispering something along the lines of, "I'll be back one day Sofi baby." Kissing her forehead, brushing her thumb over her forehead, for a second just absorbing the moment.

Sofi nods her head, "can you buy me chocolate milk?"

Camila looks at Sofi for a long time, hands shaking, a sob choking her throat before she bobs her head. Forgetting how much it's going to hurt her lips just to say the words, "yeah, sure, I will."

"Why are you crying Kaki?"

Camila doesn't need to think hard for a lie, silently cursing at herself for doing it so much more recently because she can't help herself now. God knows what she'll be getting up to, lie after lie she can't stop herself.